You know what’s as American as apple pie? Whiskey. Combine the two and you’ve got the ridiculously awesome Fireball Apple Pie Cookies.
“Cookies? Who said you could eat my cookies!?”
Full disclosure: This was the first time I’ve ever made cookies that don’t come pre-cubed. That might discount the whole article or perhaps it gives you more confidence that you can pull this off. I’ve also never made a a pie before let alone A weave on top. I’m into martial arts and crafts, not basket weaving.
If you want to be lame you can obviously skip the Fireball. You need to live a little though. It’s one shot mixed into an entire can of apple pie filling. You’re not going to get drunk and embarrass yourself at Grandma’s house.
Advice: Don’t get pie crusts that are pre-molded into a pie pan. They don’t work. Trust me. I tried and failed miserably.
You don’t actually need to throw flour around like I did, but I always see that when people are working with dough, and I wanted to look professional. I’m pretty sure that didn’t work.
I went all the way out to the edge because I apparently forgot I wasn’t making a pizza. Don’t do that shit. Just accept that some of your crust is going to go to waste. I know there are starving kids in Africa, but Sally Struthers has that taken care of.
If you ended up buying apple pie filling that’s in slices instead of chunks, have fun chopping them after you mix in the Fireball whiskey. I used one of the pie trays from my initial dough failure.
You’ll want to make your lattice strips narrower than mine and lay them much closer together. Use a million pie crusts if you have to in order to cover the whole thing. Big gaps are fine on a pie, but they don’t work out well for these cookies.
If you need to know how to weave your booze basket, just watch this guy explain it. If his kid can figure it out, so can you. Don’t be lazy and eventually just lay strips across like I did either. The ability to weave is what separates us from the phytoplankton.
See, that’s why you want the strips narrower. These barely look like tiny pies at all. Thankfully they still taste like them.
I don’t own a cookie cutter, and I’m assuming you don’t either. Have no fear. Odds are you have a beer (or Angry Orchard Hard Cider in this case) lying around. Just drink it then decapitate the can. That’s what I did, and it worked perfectly as a cookie cutter.
This is when Emeril would make a crack about “Smell-o-vision,” but I’m above that sort of nonsense. They do smell orgasmic though. I texted that to someone right after I took them out of the oven, but they didn’t appreciate it nearly as much as I expected them to. Apparently they saw it as taunting. Whatever, throw the yellow flag.
This recipe is bastardized from OH, Bite It. Her cookies look much better than mine do, and she frames pictures like a pro. With less filling and a tighter weave you can far surpass my performance though. Fireball Apple Pie Cookies are officially my new favorite breakfast.
- 2 Pillsbury pre-made pie crusts
- 1/4 cup of caramel (at most)
- 1 can apple pie filling
- 1 shot Fireball whiskey
- 1 egg
- Preheat over to 350 degrees.
- Lay out a sheet of pie crust, sprinkle it with some flour to look like a pro.
- Pour caramel sauce onto the crust and spread evenly.
- Stir 1.5 ounces of Fireball into apple pie filling, be sure to mix thoroughly.
- Coarsely chop the apple pie filling into small pieces.
- Top the caramel layer chopped up Apple Pie Filling. No need to get close to the edge.
- Slice 2nd pie crust into thin strips.
- Create a lattice crust on top of the pie filling.
- Whisk one egg and 2 tbsp milk or water to make egg wash
- Dip beer can cookie cutter into egg wash and cut out your pie cookies.
- Brush the tops of them with some egg wash and sprinkle with the cinnamon, sugar, and nutmeg.
- Arrange cookies on greased baking sheet.
- Admire handiwork.
- Bake them at 350 degrees for approx. 20-25 minutes, until they’re golden and firm.
- Text friend about orgasmic aroma.
- Find new friend.
- Eat cookies.