Stuffing is the 2nd best part of Thanksgiving behind Detroit Lions football, so make sure you do it right by making this Jim Beam Bourbon and Bacon Stuffing. If nothing else, it’ll make the game more interesting. It also goes well with the other boozed-out Thanksgiving dishes from the Guyism Grill.
It’s always tempting to just make Stove Top stuffing and call it a day. It literally only takes 8 minutes and doesn’t taste that bad. It not that difficult to turn it into a world class side dish though. All you need is Black Cherry Jim Beam Red Stag and some bacon and it goes from sloppy wet bread to a little slice of heaven. The black cherry is the real difference maker, so whatever you do, don’t skip the booze.
OK, there are a few more ingredients than just the whiskey and bacon, but you get my point. That’s what actually makes it worth eating.
You’ll need to buy some Viagra or leave the bread out for a few hours so it gets hard. You could also just go to Jimmy Johns and try to buy day-old bread, which is the best deal in the baked goods business.
You’d think at some point I’d just start re-using pictures of bacon from previous Guyism Grill recipes, but I keep taking these every time. Apparently I’m worried you’d think I’m using fake bacon, as if that would ever happen.
Don’t chop your fingers off. That’s really my only advice here. It seems obvious, but I’m sure at least 18 of you have done it already while trying to cook. Hopefully you know a good needle and thread guy.
The beauty of cooking a fresh batch of bacon every time is that I’m left with bacon grease, and nothing is better in a pan than bacon grease. That’s right folks, the apples, onions, celery, and garlic are currently cooking in a pan full of whiskey and bacon grease. If you put your ear to the pan, you can actually hear Tim Allen grunting. He’s an ocean of manliness.
After the veggies are done cooking, you mix them in a bowl with your pharmaceutically enhanced bread. When you add the eggs and stock, just get right in there and use your hands. There’s nothing like squeezing the life out of a non-existent chick fetus. It’s also much easier than trying to mix with a spoon.
Throw it in the oven for 20 minutes and the next thing you know you’ve got stuffing. That wasn’t too hard, was it? Sure it wasn’t, boil water – add stuffing – wait five minutes, but it’s still pretty easy. Plus now you have booze in your stuffing, something upon which I’m pretty sure Stove Top would frown.
This is a slight modification of Emma’s recipe from A Beautiful Mess, and it’s damn good.
Ingredients: (I used half because I’m sad and lonely)
- 2 loaves of french bread, around 10-11 heaping cups
- 16 ounces bacon, cooked (reserve the cooking fat)
- 2 granny smith apples
- 1 onion
- 5-6 celery stocks
- 4 cloves garlic
- 2 shots Jim Beam Red Stag Black Cherry
- 1 tablespoon chopped sage
- 1 tablespoon chopped thyme
- 1 tablespoon chopped parsley
- salt + pepper
- 2 cups chicken broth
- 4 eggs
- Cut up the loaves into small cubes and lay out on a large baking sheet for at least 3 hours (or overnight).
- Cook the bacon and chop.
- Chop apples, onion, and celery; mince the garlic.
- Cook veggies plus garlic in bacon fat and 1 shot of bourbon until it just begins to soften.
- Take remaining shot.
- Add salt + pepper to taste.
- In a large mixing bowl combine the cooked veggies, bacon and bread cubes.
- Hand-craftedly mix in stock and eggs.
- Stir in the chopped herbs.
- Dump everything into a buttered baking dish.
- Bake at 375°F for 30 minutes.
- Eat all but one portion.
- Wake up and laugh at people in line for Black Friday.
- Eat leftovers.