Nickelback fan page is probably the funniest thing on the Internet

Nickelback / Facebook


Alright, look, Nickelback is an easy target. In fact, Nickelback jokes are pretty hacky. But sometimes the band makes it SO DAMN EASY and I’m a hack.

A friend was browsing around the Nickelback Facebook fan page and posting excerpts from the “about” section to his timeline. It. is. stellar.

If I may, a breakdown of the first two paragraphs, and some personal commentary.

While 2011 proved one of the most turbulent years in recent history, Nickelback has emerged rock-steady with an album that both shakes rock and roll to its core while offering a true sense of escapism to their millions of fans across the globe.

What happened in 2011? Did the guys in the band realize they were in Nickelback? And congrats on shaking rock and roll to its core but bigger congrats on offering a true sense of escapism to the Nickelback fans. I was wondering why my extra value meal was taking so long. Now I have my answer. The line at the drive-thru snakes around the street because everyone working at Burger King is getting their core rocked!

If ever the world needed to feel good again, that time is … Here and Now.

Ugh, this world is shit. I need to feel good again. When’s the new Nickelback album drop? Also, who has some blow?

Traversing the sonic spectrum with a pulsating energy and enthusiasm reflected in the musical diversity,


Here and Now is the much-loved Nickelback experience propelled to new levels as the band continues to lure listeners into their trademark party brew of fast-lane indulgences

Anyone else find it odd that the same word law enforcement uses to describe how pedophiles capture children, the band chose as the word to explain how they get people to keep listening to their shiterock? “Come back to my garage, I’ve got the new Nickelback album. No, don’t tell your parents. It’s cool.”

Some tunes tamed by somber reflection while others wickedly embraced with a devilish wink and a smile.

“Describe the man who tried to grab you, Jimmy?” “Well, he had this devilish wink and a smile and he was wearing a Silver Side Up T-shirt.”

With almost 45 million sold worldwide,

Suck it, haters. Point=Nickelback.

music fans remain thirsty for the vicarious thrills of Nickelback’s newest intoxicating elixir.

Ugh. I need a shower. I’ve got Nickelback’s intoxicating elixir all over me.

[H/T to Mike Moody]

Chris Illuminati avatar
Chris Illuminati is a 5-time published author and recovering a**hole who writes about running, parenting, and professional wrestling.