TGI Fridays makes most embarrassing Cinco de Mayo menu ever

Colin Joliat

 

I’ve seen no fewer than 70 Cinco de Mayo pitches, but none can hold a Mexican jumping bean to that of TGI Friday’s. The special drink menu they put together is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen Taco Bell’s waffle taco.

Restaurants stockpile Guinness for St. Paddy’s, tequila for Cinco de Mayo, and Budweiser tallboys for the 4th of July. That all makes perfect sense. TGI Fridays took it a step further by creating a month-long special menu for Cinco de Mayo. The new drink list is so embarrassing that I’m convinced they’re either trolling or have handed over the reins to someone who stopped developing mentally when ABC’s TGIF went of the air (the first time).

Let’s take a look at the all-star lineup.

Horny ‘Rita

· 3 parts Hornitos Reposado Tequila
· 1 part Margarita Mix
· Shaken and strained over ice
· Garnish with a salted rim and fresh lime

The name has potential. Tequila makes everyone horny, right? Then you realize all it means is that the margarita is made with Hornitos. That’s where it all falls apart. I have nothing against Hornitos, but no one worth their Sriracha Sea Salt makes margaritas with mix. Even if you give them a pass because, come on, it’s just Friday’s, a 3:1 tequila to mix ratio sounds awful even for an alcoholic like me.

I made this last year. It’s most certainly not on the Cinco de Mayo menu.

 

Mexican Lager
· Put some salt on the bottle neck
· A lime wedge on top, and Salud!

If this is a joke, it’s a hilarious one. I know this isn’t entirely uncommon, but at the end of the day, Friday’s just put a Corona on their specialty menu. The beer already comes with a lime, and you can throw some salt on it anytime you want. Also, if you need to add salt and lime to it, you should probably just drink a better beer.

Tequila Sunrise
· 1 part Tequila
· 3 parts Orange Juice, and a dash of grenadine
· Build over ice and garnish with fresh lime

I have no qualms with this if you’re the sort of person that goes to Friday’s for brunch. Sure they got the ratio wrong again (should be 2:4 tequila to OJ), but it’s at least on track. Just don’t pretend you’re drinking a Mexican cocktail because the Tequila Sunrise was invented in the States. Yes, tequila comes from Mexico, but you don’t think of Absolut and Tonic as an authentic Swedish cocktail, do you?

Sombrero
· 1 part Kahlua
· 1 part Half & Half
· Build over ice

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Tequila Shot
· Salt your hand or their neck
· Take the shot, and then finish with a lime wedge

Wait, whoa, slow down. You mean to tell me that I can get a shot of tequila in May? Given that it’s listed on the special menu, one can only assume that at the end of the month it goes back into the Disney Vault never to be seen again (until they need money). If you’ve ever wanted to take shot of tequila in a bar, you better head to Friday’s and fast.

At the end of the day, this is the laziest attempt to cash in on a holiday that I’ve ever seen. Their signature margarita is pretty damn good, but it’s nowhere to be found on the Cinco de Mayo menu. There are no new drinks; those they have are poorly made, and they went childishly stereotypical with the Sombrero. Nothing about the menu makes me want to go to Friday’s. If only they could liquefy the Sizzling Chicken & Cheese.