WTFlorida: The 10 most WTF news stories from the Sunshine State this week

by 4 years ago

There are simply too many ‘WTF’ stories to come out of Florida every week for me to report on in real-time. So to give you the best-of-the-best, here’s the 10 most WTF news stories from the Sunshine State in the past week, your weekly collection of WTFlorida.

Video surfaces of couple having sex on the beach (and it aint the delicious drink)

As reported here on Guyism earlier in the week, Florida is once again leaking. Specifically, Bradentucky (aka, Bradenton), has become ground zero for beach sex tapes this week:

From The Smoking Gun — “Elissa Alvarez, a 20-year-old waitress, and Jose Caballero, a 39-year-old personal trainer, were each busted for felony lewd and lascivious exhibition on Cortez Beach in Bradenton. Alvarez, seen at right, and Caballero were each released from jail today after posting $7500 bond.”

Going back to Monday, I had quite the premonition that it would be an incredible WTFlorida news cycle week, and I was right…

Drunk bear caught feasting on beer and daiquiri mix

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The black bears of Florida are primarily confined to the center of the state, and even there they’re pretty rare. Never in my life have I seen one, and I was a Boy Scout who spent an inordinate amount of time out in the woods camping. So every time I see a story about one of these rapscallions getting in to every day shenanigans it really chafes my junk.

Gawker reports:

On Saturday, someone, something — the same bear? probably the same bear — mad with desire for a cold Coors Banquet, tore into the house’s screened-in pool, ransacking the booze fridge and leaving poked-through beers and open bottles of cocktail mixers strewn about the floor.

Lisa was on the lookout after Saturday’s booze-soaked break-in, and had a camera ready when the alcoholic monster returned yesterday. Again, it went straight for the beer-filled mini fridge — Lisa’s family doesn’t even keep food on the pool deck, she notes — and when it noticed her snapping photos behind a sliding door, it slapped the glass with its paw.

Bears, we’re dealing with drunk-frickin’ bears….

12-year-old released from juvenile detention for stealing school bus, promptly proceeds to steal another school bus, gets arrested

Michael Propst of Franklin County is back in the news this week. He recently made headlines after he stole a school bus in the wee hours of the morning and took it out for a joyride, only to later be apprehended in a Wal-Mart parking lot. I covered his first arrest a few weeks ago in the initial WTFlorida round-up on Guyism which you can read in full here.

Well, the 12-year-old’s made headlines once again for nearly the exact same crime…which he allegedly committed moments after being released from a juvenile detention center. Really, you can’t make this stuff up.

NewsHerald reports:

“We found out the bus was stolen when a Carrabelle police over in Franklin County actually pulled the bus over for erratic driving and found that same 12-year-old boy, Michael Propst, the one that stole one from us three weeks ago,” said Mike Jones, safety and security officer at Bay District Schools.

“He just got out of (the Department of Juvenile Justice) yesterday on the last case where he stole the bus from us,” he said.

The juvenile had located a hidden key left in a school bus at Parker Elementary after the bus driver completed his bus route, Jones said, noting that hiding a key in a parked bus is a temporary standard procedure, so the bus driver was not penalized. Jones said school officials are working a new permanent procedure.

Found a spare key, eh? Not quite the image of a master car-jacking thief I’d built up in my mind, but if he keeps up his current trajectory he’ll ascend to furiously fast levels of expertise in no time… You can read the full report over on the NewsHerald.

Man arrested for trying to pay a prostitute with foodstamps

michael-glitniak-mugshot

The man shown above, Michael Glitniak, reportedly tried to pay for the prostitute using food stamps, and even offered an additional $20 in food stamps if the prostitute would spend the entire night with him. Classy as f*ck…. You can read the full report here.

Happy 66th birthday to Snooty! The oldest manatee in the world!

TheWestSideStory

TheWestSideStory


On Saturday, July 19th my favorite manatee (and the world’s oldest living manatee) celebrated his 66th birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SNOOTY.

This one hits me right in the childhood. As a kid we used to take field trips probably 3x a year up to the Bishop Planetarium, where Snooty lives. Aside from the planetarium itself the only attraction there worth seeing was Snooty, and I’ll be damned if he didn’t capture a special place in my heart.

WFLA reports:

Snooty was born on July 21, 1948 in Miami and now lives at the South Florida Museum in Bradenton. He was the first manatee born in captivity. Snooty sets records every day for how long we know manatees can live, according to the museum.

It’d actually be impossible to quantify the impact this one manatee has had on manatee conservation over the past 60+ years. The generations of kids seeing him, interacting with him, growing up to own boats and coming face to face with manatees. It’s rather incredible actually.

You can check out a live 24hr camera of Snooty here, if you’re in to that sort of thing.

Woman learns the hard way she isn’t Cinderella, can’t control birds with her whistling, causes absolute mayhem on the road

Oh really, hitting the pipe, eh? I guess that would explain the actions of this Englewood, FL resident. The story goes that she pulled over to rescue a distressed bird, then proceeded to cause traffic accidents when all hell broke loose.

Wink News reports:

Just before the crash, the driver of a Ford sedan stopped on Sunnybrook Blvd. to pick up the injured bird, which was on the side of the road. After picking up the bird, the driver said that the bird got loose inside her car and got tangled in her hair, which caused her to panic and run a red light. She was found at fault, but no citations were issued.

You can read the full account in my write up here on Guyism.

Woman crashes her SUV while shaving her vagina, and that’s not even the weirdest part

ABC News

ABC News


Living in Florida there’s a large onus placed on keeping it tight around the bikini line year round. The beach is accessible 12 months out of the year, and all citizens are expected to have toned bodies and no visible body hair. It’s just the natural order of things. Unfortunately, one woman took this too far and endangered others on the road.

ABC News reports:

The trim job was apparently essential because the arresting officer, trooper Gary Dunick, said the Indiana native told him she was heading to Key West visit her boyfriend.

“She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit,” Dunick told the Key West Citizen.

It gets weirder. In order to pay full attention to her sensitive regions, police say Barnes enlisted her ex-husband, Charles Judy, who was riding shotgun, to hold the wheel.
Yes, her ex-husband.

Only in the unexplainable world of WTFlorida do we have women crashing cars whilst ex-husband’s help them shave their nappy dugouts on their way to see the new boyfriend. Wow, I actually had to take a deep breath, this one is almost too over the top even for me. Let’s move on, shall we?

Drunk man involved in road rage incident gets run over by his own truck

Even though this particular incident didn’t involve a University of Florida student behind the wheel, given that it took place in Gainesville I’m going to go ahead and say the Gators are definitely at fault for this stupidity.

The Gainesville Sun reports:

A man who police say had been drinking was involved in a road rage incident during a downpour Tuesday evening and was injured when he was run over by his own pickup truck.

How stupidly drunk do you have to be for this to happen? Not only are you so blindly intoxicated you get out of your car to harass another driver, but you forget to put your car in park and get injured by your own stupidity? This is actually Einstein-level moronic behavior. I’m impressed.

Remember the guy who ditched his wife on an island after she found out he was gay? Well, she’s dead

Manatee County Sheriff's Office

Manatee County Sheriff’s Office


As reported here on Guyism:

Last week, in our sad but awesome round-up of WTF Florida stories, we told you about a guy who was caught having sex with another man by his wife. The husband left the woman naked with nothing but a life jacket on a remote island off the coast of Florida.

The story took a crazy and incredibly sad turn a few days later when his wife suddenly died.

The affidavit says she had a bruise to the life side of her head and a bruise on her left bicep. Michael Doster was charged with domestic battery and later bonded out.

Pamela was taken to a hospital and officials say she died on Wednesday.

You can read the story in full here on Guyism.

Meet Flip-Flop Man, who each week runs or walks 125 miles – 6,500 miles in a year – all while wearing flip-flops

While this story might be a little dated it’s only making its way to me for the first time via a reader tip. Everyone meet Flip-Flop Man. He’s not the guy in the GIF above, not even close.

According to SP Times:

The Flip-Flop Man has a muscular 5-foot-10-inch frame and seems to lack any body fat whatsoever. In a normal week, he runs or walks 125 miles – 6,500 miles in a year. In 1995, what he calls his best year, he flip-flopped about 33 miles a day, approximately 230 miles a week, 12,000 miles in all – equal to a trip from St. Petersburg to Athens, Greece, and back.

He is 62 years old.

He’d be a straight up urban legend save for the fact he’s real, and people have found him, interviewed him….and he’s living perhaps the greatest life of any man alive…that is assuming your priorities lay entirely with physical fitness.

You can read a full account of his day to day life here, and what it takes to be the ‘Flip-Flop Man’


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