We love Saved by the Bell, but at this point we should all realize that Zack Morris is a menace to society.
He lies, cheats, steals, and manipulates his way into every club and every girl’s heart. While most of his behavior is just highly frowned upon, there have been occasions where Zack just straight up broke the law.
Here are ten times he would have more than likely gone to jail or as least had charges brought against him. Don’t worry; none of them are sexual in nature. No need to call in Benson and Stabler from SVU.
Zack is a junior member of the NSA
EPISODE: Fatal Distraction
Zack is trying to figure out who Kelly is going to take to the big dance. Instead of just waiting to find out or maybe sending her some flowers, he decides to plant a listening device in her room. This is clearly wiretapping and instead of doing the Electric Slide at the dance, he should be doing 3-5 for his crime.
Zack damages school property
EPISODE: Aloha Slater
During the early seasons of Saved by the Bell, Zack and Slater hated each other. In “Aloha Slater” Zack’s sociopathic behavior hits a high note when he tries to get Slater to move to Hawaii so he has no competition with the ladies. This includes breaking the law when he stole Slater’s wrestling trophy that’s also technically school property. Is nothing sacred to you, Preppie?
Zack dognaps a mascot
EPISODE: Save That Tiger
During the Bayside/Valley prank wars, Zack and Slater ended up stealing Valley’s mascot; an adorable dog. While their actions could have brought legal charges, it doesn’t compare to what Valley did. Screech had somehow become the foundation of the cheerleading team after becoming the mascot. Valley figures since Zack took their dog, they would kidnap Screech. This escalated things from a school rivalry to Taken. What were their plans? Was Screech going to be sold into human trafficking?
Zack damages school property
EPISODE: Driver’s Education
Zack assumes that Kelly is a car-digger and only wants to go out with a dude that has his license. Instead of simply working harder to get his, he decides to sabotage Slater and causes him to crash the practice car in the school’s hallway. He caused thousands of dollars in damages, but it’s never mentioned because Kelly and the gang pull a prank on him to make him realize making someone crash a car isn’t nice. Lesson learned!
Zack is a drug dealer – sort of
EPISODE: Jessie’s Song
Zack starts working with Jessie, Lisa, and Kelly to form a music group called Hot Sundae. Unfortunately he allows Jessie to get hooked on the most dangerous, lethal drug of all; caffeine pills. We all know how illegal and deadly caffeine pills can be. Sorry, I can’t even pretend like this was a serious matter. Obviously this wasn’t really a crime, but it was hilarious seeing Saved by the Bell treating, what was basically the equivalent of drinking a Red Bull, like Jessie was addicted to meth.
Zack takes photos of underage girls in bikinis without consent
EPISODE: Model Students
Zack somehow gets control of the school’s store after convincing Mr. Belding to fire the nerds. Sure Zack, like you don’t already have everything else in the world. Why not take this one little thing away from those who aren’t as cool as you? Zack gets really creepy when he secretly takes photos of underage girls in bathing suits and makes them into calendars. I’m sure Chris Hansen would love to sit down and talk to you about this.
Zack falsifies legal identification
EPISODE: Fake ID’s
Zack, Slater, and Screech want to get really wild and go to an over-18 nightclub because Zack met a hot college chick named Danielle. I know it’s edgy, but these are real party animals. The guys start making fake I.D.’s and passing them out to all of their friends. If you were going to break the law and make a fake license, wouldn’t you at least get the most out of it and go to an actual bar? What benefits do you get from going to an 18+ club? Spicier salsa at the snack bar?
Zack tries blackmail
EPISODE: The Wicked Stepbrother
Everyone hates Jessie’s greasy stepbrother, so Zack decides the only logical thing to do is tell Mr. Belding he’s going to wash his car, but secretly loan it to Jessie’s bro in order to take a picture of him driving it and blackmail him. Wasn’t Zack left in charge of the car? Isn’t it still his fault if Eric is driving it? I don’t know if you’re aware of the law, but you’re not allowed to give someone else’s car away. Plus after the car was in an accident they never told Mr. Belding about it or reported it. For shame, Zack.
Zack turns to scalping
EPISODE: All in the Mall
The gang finds $5,000 in a bag at the mall and Zack figures the only sensible thing to do is buy a bunch of U2 tickets with it, scalp them, and then return the money but keep the interest. Marking up tickets and selling them is bad enough, but at one point they lose the money in a shoebox and completely vandalize a shoe store trying to find it. Seriously, they trashed that place. This episode is just full of crimes. They also decided to sneak into a store and hide out in a tent all night, for some reason. See you in juvenile detention, Zack.
Zack drives drunk
EPISODE: Drinking and Driving
In one of the most edgy episodes, Zack gets drunk and crashes Dr. Turtle’s car. Of course there are no legal consequences to his reckless behavior, but don’t worry, he learned a lesson and that’s what really matters. It’s not about being punished for your crime, it’s about being able to yell “GOTCHA” right before a freeze frame as the credits roll.