I get it. It’s 2016 and we’re a technology-addicted world, and if you’re going to find a way to get your dick wet, why not utilize the Internet?
Before I continue, I want to take a moment to laugh, as I think of every writing professor I’ve ever had stressing how important an opening line is. I used the term, “getting your dick wet” therefore rendering me the worst former student ever.
Moving forward, yes, we are a technological world, but why can’t we label certain arenas as sacred? Why can’t certain things be exempt from the incessant need to pick up our phones? What I’m trying to say, is that when it comes to matters of the heart, or otherwise matters of trying to copulate, kick it old school. Put your fucking phone down and go out into the world! You know, that huge abyss being riddled by global warming and bacon wrapped everything. It’s really not that bad, especially when you can meet women at places like…
Work
I’m sure HR isn’t always too thrilled about this, so please be aware of the laws involving sexual harassment, but otherwise, work is the new college. This is where you spend most of your days and if you happen to connect with a coworker, nothing wrong with seeing where it goes.
The Gym
I don’t work out in a gym. I generally exercise outside, like people did in the 90s, so I’m unaware of gym etiquette when it comes to hitting on chicks. I’d venture to say that it’s not the easiest, but fairly doable if you make sure to be friendly and not downright creepy.
The Grocery Store
We’re adults now, at least in the capacity that we’re expected to feed ourselves regularly, so chances are you frequent the same grocery store on the reg. I know this seems like a very Rom-Com place to meet a girl but again, if you can simply manage to strike up some small talk, not be a complete creep, and make her feel comfortable it could definitely lead to a date at the very least.
The Dog Park
You’ll need a dog first. If you don’t have one, I highly recommend, 10/10 great experience. If you can’t afford one, or otherwise are highly irresponsible borrow a friend’s. Dog parks are the happiest place on earth and people, especially women, love talking about their dogs. It’s a good icebreaker.
Commuting to Work
It’s pretty common to see the same faces everyday on your way to work (especially if you take public transportation). These people are what I refer to as “familiar strangers.” If you can manage to sit next to the girl you’ve been eyeing on your commute, that’s a good in. Here’s my advice though, if she’s reading a book, or has her headphones in, don’t bother. Unless you’ve read the book, in which case, that’s a huge bonus.
At a Bar
I shouldn’t really need to explain this much. Most of you knew this without me having to list it. I’m not a huge fan of this option because it’s nosy, alcohol fueled, and just generally in poor taste, but whatever.
A Wedding
See: Wedding Crashers as reference.
Through Your Mother
Okay, yes, this may seem a little daunting, but there’s a solid chance that your mom knows your taste in women pretty well and may know someone worth meeting.
Through Your Friends
I want to specify through your GUY friends. Don’t start dating the friend of your bro’s girlfriend. It can (and most likely will) be very uncomfortable. I’m a firm believer in the notion that couples should not hang out regularly. It’s just one big pissing contest over who is less dysfunctional than the other.
In Your Building
This can go horribly wrong if it backfires, but it can be pretty fucking awesome if it works out.