Looking back on college I can’t say that I have many regrets, but there are a few things that I would done differently knowing what I know now. It’s funny looking back on college. It’s just this big blur of of stress, dreams, women, parties and drugs and you don’t realize how fast it’s all flying because you’re right in the middle of it. Year after year things keep building and building and then one day you’re just done.
Graduating college is really anticlimactic. You go from being part of this crazy hive to just being some dude out in the world. It’s incredibly weird at first, especially if you’re like me and you’ve spent your time in school dicking around with no plan for the future.
Here’s a quick checklist of things to think about while you’re in school that will at least give you a shot at some semblance of a happy life afterwards.
1. Get really good at something while you’re in school. Preferably something you like doing.
You’re young. You might not be the brightest, but you do have time on your side. The worst thing you can do is squander it by dicking off for the next 4-5 years. Pick something that you’re genuinely interested in and do that. Get really good at whatever it is and there will come a point when people pay you to do something you actually enjoy doing. And, for God’s sake, don’t listen to people telling you certain careers don’t make any money. Look, having money is great. But doing something you absolutely hate every day sucks harder than not having money. Trust me. I’ve been on both extremes. Happiness comes from getting up every day and engaging the world in the way you personally choose to do.
2. Get to know your teachers
You probably don’t realize it but the world is at your fingertips right now. All day long you’re surrounded by people who are paid to give a shit about your stupid future. That doesn’t happen ever again. There are no teachers at your future jobs to explain things to you or give you extra credit. It’s just you. Plus your teachers are usually working professionals in the field they’re teaching in. They know people. Get to know them and then you know all the people they know.
3. Make your college earn their keep.
You’re giving your school around 100k during the time you’re there. Make them earn it! Whether it’s you or your parent’s money you need to squeeze every penny out of that place while you’re there. Figure out what you want to do, and then hound every professor, advisor, or alumni who’s involved in the field that you want to get into. Also, internships are an EXCELLENT way into industries that are normally pretty hard to get into tell your school where you want to work and make them do everything in their power to get you in there.
4. You’ll never have the same access to women that you have currently ever again.
Don’t roll your eyes. I know, you’re the man. You’re in the peak of your pussy getting. Enjoy it. Swim in it. Just know that it’s not going to be the same when you get out of school. Don’t get me wrong you’ll still have fun, but you won’t enjoy the same amount of carefree sexual encounters once you graduate. Girls mature. They get careers. They start to want things, kids, marriage, houses—not to dance to Ke$ha and then blow you on your futon. Seriously you have no idea what treasures are upon you. Leave no stone unturned!
5. Respect the women you do have sex with.
When I say respect them that doesn’t mean wife them up! No, no, no. If any of your friends have girlfriends you need to punch them in the arm for me. I just mean be open and honest with them. If you don’t want a relationship you need to tell them upfront. The funny thing is they’ll probably want you more after hearing it. Hopefully you’re better than I was because I really didn’t care for girls’ feelings at all while I was in school. I honestly didn’t think about them at all. I was a total dog. Just know karma is real and if you remain open and honest from the gate you can set up some minimal* strings sex partners that could very well last you into your adult life. Take it from me. I burned all my pussy bridges down to the ground hard.
*there is no such thing as no strings sexual relationship as far as I’m concerned.
6. Start a band.
Sounds cheesy, but all you need is to be okay/shitty and you can open yourself up to a world of fun and an infinite supply of chicks who really don’t expect much from you.
7. Don’t go overboard on the drugs.
That includes alcohol. Have your fun and try whatever you’re comfortable with, but I can personally tell you that coke is stupid and any sort of opiate or painkiller is totally unnecessary. I can give you the addresses of a couple of my friends who are in jail now if you don’t believe me. You can write them a letter. They’d love it.
8. Get a dog.
I was walking my dog around the old alma mater recently and was blown away by how many hot little college babies came up and brazenly flirted with me. It kind of makes sense too. Having a dog shows a girl that you’re capable of committing to/caring for something and it leads them to believe that you’ll do the same to them. Plus having a dog is just sweet in general.
9. Realize that life isn’t always the never-ending fun adventure you think it should be.
Your greatest success in life will come from repeating incredibly boring tasks day in and day out. Sure, you’ll have your fun, but if you really want to accomplish things in life you have to put in the work. Though if you take my advice and stick to doing something you like it doesn’t feel as bad.
Basically you’re going to be bored and you have to learn to deal with it. I spent years of my life running from this reality and wish someone would have just sat me down and told me to stop being a bitch and focus. Here’s a GREAT speech on what I’m talking about by a really smart guy.
10. Cultivate real relationships with your classmates
There’s an extreme power in knowing the right people. People who know people make things happen. Also, you never know who is going to turn out to be what so try not to be a dick to too many people.
11. Read books.
You can keep up with the Kardashians whenever you want, considering that show is on all the fucking time. Read books. Introduce new ideas into your mind. It’ll make you a well-rounded, interesting person who can hold an intelligent conversation. Rather than just another schlub who, when upon meeting someone, immediately asks, “You see that game, dude?”
12. Don’t abuse your body too hard.
I say “too hard” because you’re going to abuse your body. Just take it easy. You can’t keep going on eating cheap, shitty, delicious food. Cheese steaks, fries, pizza, beer—These are all great but you’re gotta learn how to enjoy them as treats instead as staples of your diet. Your body can only take so much before it gives up on you.
To recap: Don’t be a dick, stop being a baby, get a dog, work hard, use the resources around you while you have them and, please share some of that good college pussy with your boy!
[Header image via Shutterstock]