Smoking weed since I was 15 has given me plenty of time to interact with weed dealers over the years. Some are nice, some are shady, and a lot of them wear cargo pants and tell long boring stories that don’t lead anywhere. Though there’s no doubt the weed man is a quintessential part of any economy, due to the schizophrenic marijuana laws in the United States and other places around the world more and more people have been turning to the ganja market to make an extra buck.
Here’s a list of things you might be doing to upset this local hero, who we are proud to call your weed man.
1. Blow up his phone.
Believe it or not your weed man has a life outside of selling you pot and doesn’t appreciate when you call him 5 times in a row. He might be on a date, with his family, or taking a late morning weed nap. Either way, he sure doesn’t feel like talking to you and calling a hundred times is only going to make him dislike you. You might not think it’s a big deal but when your weed man hates you I can guarantee he’ll give you the worst of whatever he has. A good weed man has a variety on deck at all times and who do you think gets the stuff that he doesn’t like that much?
2. Bring your friend over without asking.
Understand that your weed guy lives in a world of vicious paranoia. For all he knows your friend could be a snitch or a cop. Same applies to having someone wait for you outside in your car. It looks shady and weed dealers lives are shady enough without you drumming up extra sketch.
3. Try to buy a bowl pack.
Dude, get your measly three dollars out of your weed man’s face. Even selling grams is a pain for the average weed man. Get a job. No one’s trying to sell you half a nug.
4. You’re in and out too fast.
This also goes back to his paranoid world. Neighbors are always watching and one of the main tip offs to any sort of drug activity is a high amount of foot traffic in and out of the house. If he asks to hang out for a bit don’t be a dick about it. Realize you’re not his only customer and being in and out too quickly can easily blow up his spot.
5. You stay over too long.
On the same note don’t think that since he let you rip his bong means that he wants you to stay by his side forever and play video games with him all day. You should be there for about an hour tops unless he invites you to stay and watch the Mortal Kombat movie or whatever.
6. Roll up unannounced.
Absolute cardinal sin. This really is one of the absolute worst things you can do to your guy. You’re only getting weed. Stop acting like a crack head about it.
7. Blatantly talking about weed over his phone.
This is no longer a wacky hippy myth. The government is absolutely collecting phone data on a massive scale. The NSA even admitted to it. While your guy probably isn’t their top target it’s still not that chill to be dirtying up his line. Even if you take the government out of the equation local law enforcement use phones to crack drug cases all of the time. Say you get arrested with weed. Cops can search through your phone and read your texts. All they need is that one of you saying, “Hey dude. Can I grab a quarter?” and bam! Now they have your guy’s cell number and can easily swoop in.
8. Giving out his number without asking him
While I’m sure he appreciates the referral you have to understand your weed guy isn’t an Auto Zone. He can’t just have strangers hitting him up for cheeb. If someone asks you for your plug have the common courtesy and notify your guy and tell him that your friend might be calling him and insure him that your friend is indeed chill.
9. Bitch about price or quality.
This more so applies to the chronic complainer. Of course likes and dislikes are always going to arise and surely your local weed man wants your feed back, but if you’re bitching and moaning all the time about every little thing — stop. No one cares or wants to hear it. If you’re going to get it somewhere else just do it.
10. Asking to get “Hooked up’
The price is set for a reason. If you want to get hooked up buy in bulk, otherwise shut up.
11. Asking for other drugs.
Just because someone sells weed doesn’t mean they sell coke and pills. Actually a good true blue weed man abhors other drugs and only sticks to the spliff. Don’t be bringing up that other shit. It’s not cool.
12. Bullshit about time.
Just because your weed dealer is able to sit around all day doesn’t mean he wants to sit around and wait for you. If you say a certain time stick to it and if you run into something let them know. They could always rearrange their schedules and use the extra time to feed their turtles or erect a new wall tapestry while they wait for you.
13. Ask for the price of a pound and then say you’ll have an 8th.
Don’t think you’re pulling the wool over your nug vendor’s eyes with this one. He knows exactly what you’re doing. Trying to get a bulk price so you can see how much money he’s making off of your 8th. Guess what? He’s making a lot of it because he’s a drug dealer and he should. Stop being an ass.
I’m sure there’s more but that’s all I can think of. Of course my knowledge of this comes from people I know in who sell weed legally in states that recognize it as a legitimate endeavor. I’d never subject myself to having any involvement with the illegal marijuana trade. Smoking weed (if you don’t live in CO or WA, or are dying of a terminal illness in NJ, or unable to sleep in CA) is wrong and I won’t stand for it!
[Image via Shutterstock]