Oktoberfest beer is the mother of all seasonals, but you better buy yours before it’s too late. Here are five reasons you’re an idiot if you aren’t drinking Oktoberfest beer right now.
1. The party starts mid-September.
Oktoberfest is in October, right? Wrong. The first ever event was a royal wedding on October 12th, but the occasion turned into a bender a few years later. And just because ze Germans wanted an excuse to party doesn’t mean they wanted to do it in the cold. The 16-day extravaganza starts mid-September to capitalize on better weather and because only an idiot wears a dirndl or lederhosen after Tag der Deutschen Einheit.
2. No one shows up to a party sober.
Chicks arrive to events fashionably late. Bros arrive fashionably drunk. Don’t wait until the official start on Sept. 20th to crack open your first Oktoberfest beer. Just like showing up to Spring Break without a base tan, if you take two weeks off before the world’s biggest bender you’re going to get burned, only instead of skin cancer you’ll probably end up in jail and/or dead.
3. Oktoberfest beer will be gone by October.
Just because you’re not sucking back märzens doesn’t mean the rest of us aren’t. Oktoberfest beer has been on shelves for almost a month now and it rarely sits there for long. It’s typically the least supplied seasonal from breweries so when you go looking for it in October you’ll find nothing but pumpkin beer instead. And NOBODY likes pumpkin beer.
4. It’s easy to pick based on name.
The biggest problem with craft beer is that there are a thousands of dumb puns that pass as beer names. How’s anyone supposed to know what the hell something is? That’s not a problem when it comes to Oktoberfest beer. Here’s a short list of very clever names.
- Oktoberfest – Schlafly
- Octoberfest – Sam Adams
- Oktoberfest – Great Lakes
- Oktoberfest – Yuengling
- Oktoberfest – Goose Island
- Oktoberfest – Brooklyn
- Oktoberfest – Schell
- Oktoberfest – Leinenkugel
- Octoberfest – Harpoon
- Oktoberfest – Left Hand
- Oktoberfest – Penn
- Octoberfest – Bell’s
- Oktoberfest – Saint Arnold
- Oktoberfest – Blue Point
- Oktoberfest – Sprecher
- Oktoberfest – Berkshire
- Oktoberfest – Dundee
- Oktoberfest – Capital Brewery
5. It’s beer.
You really shouldn’t need an excuse to drink a beer. Who cares if Oktoberfest hasn’t started yet, are you thirsty? Good, then go buy some and drink it. Then repeat. Get bored of just doing that? Grab a hammer and some nails and start playing Nagelspielen. What’s better than risking life and limb while you drink?