Does This Sculpture From 100 B.C. Prove The Ancient Greeks Invented Laptop Computers?

The ancient Greeks did a lot of fucking amazing things. They found out the Earth was round, they invented geometry and democracy and built a lot of dope ships and buildings and were the fathers of modern philosophy and if you, technology dependent drone of the 21st century, are wondering how they did all those things without computers or the internet, the answer is: they didn’t.

A YouTube conspiracist has unearthed evidence on an ancient Greek relief sculpture that he believes shows a girl holding a laptop computer with two USB ports. Let’s take a look at it again.

Well, that’s certainly not the kind of ports we’re familiar with, round instead of rectangular, but think about how much computer design changed in just the past two decades. Remember floppy disks? I imagine laptops 2,000 years ago were wildly different.

The sculpture in question is “Grave Naiskos of an Enthroned Woman with an Attendant” at the J. Paul Getty Museum. According to the description on the museum’s website, the girl is holding a wax chest. Most are calling bullshit on that. That’s a fucking laptop. I refuse to believe Thucydides wrote The History of the Peloponnesian War on a god damn piece of paper with his hand.

At least it would make me feel a lot better about myself if he didn’t.

What do you say, Bros? Laptop computer or small box?

[Via The Epoch Times]