When I applied to work here at BroBible, the job description was as follows:
“The associate editor position requires an applicant who is able to dick around on the Internet for 9 hours a day, 5 days a week and find shit to post on our website. It doesn’t have to be news worthy, and in fact if all you do is post videos of boobs and hot girls that’s perfectly fine. Applicant must be able to write misleading post titles that will make people click and then immediately go and bitch about it in the Facebook comments.”
Notice how nowhere in there was there any mention of “Also must have sex with corpses.” Now I’m no expert, but even if you’re a morgue attendant like Kenneth Douglas, I doubt that little condition would ever be included in a job posting.
“Kenneth Douglas admitted in court that he sexually abused three corpses while he was drunk or on drugs, but he had sex with up to 100 bodies, he said in a deposition.
‘I would just get on top of them and pull my pants down,’ said Douglas, who worked the night shift at the morgue from 1976 to 1992…
Douglas’ wife testified in a deposition that he reeked of sex when she picked him up from work. She said she called the coroner’s office and reported him, but the morgue supervisor told her to stop calling…
‘If I hadn’t had anything to drink when I went to work, it wouldn’t happen,’ said Douglas. ‘I would do crack and go in and drink and go in.'”
Let me get this straight.
Douglas would ONLY stick his dick into corpses if he was fucked up, not if he was sober. So…wouldn’t it be easier just to NOT get fucked up and then NOT fuck dead bodies? It takes effort and money to get plastered. The only reason to put the work into getting shitfaced was if he really wanted to rub all over that cold flesh and could only get the courage to do so when he was hammered. If that’s the case, then…well, no. That’s still fucked.