I appreciate women with looks and social media-savvy as much as anyone, but #AssWednesday seems a little aggressive, even for a site named BroBible. (This is the first article living up to the name and tackling a religious issue by the way, which is pretty damn exciting.)
The important question is: If Joan Osborne was right, and God was really just a stranger on the bus, would he appreciate looking over a bro’s iPhone and seeing the #AssWednesday hashtag stream?
A quick anal-ysis of both sides is presented below, along with a final resolution based on context clues.
God Most Certainly Likes #AssWednesday
In fact, he’s pissed it’s taken this long for someone to think of it. He created Twitter, and hashtags, after all, so he wouldn’t have planted the seed in ass admirers/owners heads if he didn’t want it to go down. The hashtag also helps him easily organize all of his finest creations, and since he’s got a lot to keep an eye on these days (Middle East, people like Elon Musk talking about how blessed they are on social media, etc.), He undoubtedly appreciates that his online babe surfing time is streamlined.
Also, do you think He wanted beautiful women to be seen only by random passers-by and creepers at the gym? Maybe He wants us to follow these babes and see in their 140 character-cleverness that they’re not just pretty faces.
Finally, let’s think deeper about Ash Wednesday, to where #AssWednesday gets its creative origins. It’s the first day of Lent, and what do some men give up during Lent? (If you don’t know, consult the film 40 Days, 40 Nights.) He clearly wants us to get the #AssWednesdays out of our system the rest of the year before the Lent fasting begins.
He Absolutely Does Not
O.M.G. This hashtag is blasphemous (ass-phemous?) Everyone involved needs to look themselves in the mirror (with clothes on, and don’t even think about snapping a pic). God’s already determined these model’s destinies. They need to have faith instead of thinking of creative ways show underboob. As stated at the start of this exercise, hashtags for women to show off God’s gifts already exist, so they need to focus on those and not the one involving religion. #FriskyFriday has a better ring to it anyway, and you only have to wait two days to ask for forgiveness in church.
Final Decision
God works in mysterious ways, so I’m in no position to definitely opine on which way the big guy is leaning on this #AssWednesday debate, but I think God’s Twitter handle makes the answer pretty clear:
If I gave you the ability to easily and pleasurably masturbate and simultaneously declared masturbation a sin, I am a cosmic asshole.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) August 25, 2013
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