Frat Douchebags and Hot Intern Fantasies: Exclusive Excerpt from ‘The Average American Marriage’

I’ve already interviewed two potential interns—both huge douche bags. They’re arrogant frat guys I could easily see turning into someone like my boss, Lonnie, in ten years. They talk about how exciting the world of business was to them and how much they just want to get in the game so they could start learning what it’s really like outside of an academic setting. I know every word out of their mouths is bullshit. They just need internship credit for school, and the company I work for happens to supply it. They don’t give a shit about anything. Neither do I, really, but I hope I don’t have to choose one of these fucks to be wandering around the office every day asking me if there’s anything they can do to be more productive.

After the second dickhead leaves the conference room, I check my schedule and see that the next candidate is a girl: Holly McDonnel. I look at her résumé, already knowing it will be identical to that of every other college kid I’ll meet with. I notice she’s twenty-one and immediately think about fucking her in the conference room. Even though I have no idea what she actually looks like, I imagine she has a young, hard body, no wrinkles, wearing a skirt that almost reveals the bottom of her ass but not quite. I imagine her telling me that she’ll suck my dick if I can get her the internship. I imagine me telling her that she’ll have to suck my dick or fuck me in my office once a week to keep it. I imagine her agreeing to my terms.

I leave the conference room and head to the lobby, where the potential interns are all waiting. Two more frat douches and a girl. She’s fucking hot. Not exactly what I imagined, but hot nonetheless. I say, “Holly?”

She says, “Yes.”

I reach out my hand. She stands up and shakes it. I say, “Nice to meet you. Come on back,” and let her walk in front of me toward the conference room.

She’s shorter than I would have thought, maybe five foot two, and even though her skirt isn’t as revealing as I previously hoped for, I can tell her ass is a little bigger than I would have thought from looking at her upper body. It’s not big in a bad way at all, it’s big in exactly the right way—just slightly too full for the rest of her body, which is skinny and slight. This makes her ass look even better. But it’s tight. It’s not tight from working out or running, it’s tight from being twenty-one. It’s the kind of ass that makes you grit your teeth because you can’t help thinking about biting it. It reminds me of a slightly better version of Alyna’s ass back when Alyna’s ass was all I used to think about, back when it was great. I wonder if I’ll ever get to fuck a girl with an ass like that again.

Click on the next page to continue reading… 


Her hair is pulled back in a tight bun, which is hot but not what I expected. I assume she’s trying to look the part. And she’s wearing glasses. I find this hot in a nerdy, librarian kind of way. I imagine looking down at her while she’s sucking my dick and her looking back up at me through those glasses.  I assume she has no episiotomy scar and she smells fucking incredible. She smells like melons and cinnamon. She smells like Alyna used to. She smells like something I want to put in my mouth.

I didn’t do this with any of the douchebags before her, but as she sits down I ask her if she wants a glass of water or anything. She says she’s fine. I started the other two interviews by asking them why they wanted to intern at our company and followed that with a standard list of questions that resulted in answers I didn’t give a fuck about. With Holly, I decide to throw that out the window.

I say, “So, you from Los Angeles?”

She says, “Well, Chatsworth.”

Without even thinking it might be inappropriate, I puke out, “Oh . . . porn capital of the world.”

I immediately hope her response will put me at ease enough to not worry that I’ll be sued for sexual harassment. She says, “Yeah. My mom is actually in the business.”

I can’t help myself, “Really?”

“No. I’m just kidding.” She laughs. Her laugh is hot.

“You had me there for a second.”

“Sorry. I know that was probably inappropriate.”

“Not at all.”

“Okay. Good.”

“So your résumé says you write for the school paper.”

“Yeah. It’s fun. I’ve been kind of toying with the idea of being a writer, a journalist I mean, but that seems incredibly hard to make a living at, so . . .”

“So you’re taking a bunch of business classes and that’s why you’re here.”

“In a nutshell. I hope that doesn’t sound bad.”

“Not at all.”

“Okay. Good. Because I’d really like this internship. I have a friend who did his internship here a few semesters ago and said it was really a great experience.”

“What was his name?”

“Stanley Jimson.”

“I can’t say I remember him, but we might have put him in a department that I don’t deal with all that much or something.”


We stare at each other for a few seconds. There’s no way I’m giving the internship to anyone else. She must sense that it’s strange I’m not asking her anything. She says, “So, should I, like tell you why I’d like this internship or anything?”

Continue to the third page to continue reading… 


I realize I probably should make this interview seem legitimate, so that it’s not blatantly obvious that I just hired the hottest chick I could find. I say, “Absolutely.”

She gives the same answer that the two douchebags gave to the same question. It’s almost verbatim. She says, “Well, I really think I could learn a lot about the business world here and I’d love the opportunity to see how a company like this works from the inside. I’m a hard worker and I don’t mind doing anything that you guys would need me to do. No matter how small or rudimentary a task might seem to you, I’d view it as a valuable learning experience.”

She keeps talking about some other shit, but all I can do is watch her lips move. They’re not plump, they’re not what I would consider traditionally good dick-sucking lips, but I can’t stop imagining them on my cock. I’m still staring at her lips when I notice they haven’t really moved for a few seconds at least and then she says, “So . . . yeah, that’s why I would really love to be an intern here.” I wonder if she realized I wasn’t listening to her at all. I don’t care. I say, “That’s great. Great answer.”
We stare at each other for a few weird moments. I’m wondering if she likes to get fucked in the morning when she says, “So . . .” 

Wanting to give the illusion of legitimacy in this interview process, and also knowing that I’ll be able to let her sweat it out for a week and then have an excuse to call her, I say, “Well thanks very much for your time. We still have some other candidates to interview, but you should be hearing back shortly.”

She says, “Sounds good. Thank you so much for having me in and I hope to hear from you soon.”

We stand up, shake hands, and I open the conference room door for her and show her back to the lobby. I watch her ass move under her skirt the whole time. I want to fuck her. She leaves and I go through the motions with the other douchebags who think they have a shot at the internship.

After lunch I go to the third floor bathroom and jerk off, thinking about Holly’s ass and lips while I watch some college coed porn on my phone. I imagine blowing my load on her tits, which I assume are hard and perfectly shaped.

Buy “The Average American Marriage: A Novel” on Amazon…