Former Backstreet Boy Nick Carter Was Arrested For NOT The Worst Crime Ever, But Still Arrested So Read This Anyway

The term “backstreet boy” makes me picture a crusty old man giving hoodrat blowjobs in a dirty alleyway behind a dumpster with a glory hole carved into the side. Do you think that’s what the Backstreet Boys were going for when they picked their name? Or were they just trying to come up with something as ambiguous and stupid as N*Sync? Either way, it looks like Nick Carter, former Backstreet Boy who has probably never given nor received a glory hole blowjob from a crusty old man behind a dumpster (can’t say he hasn’t because I don’t know for sure how he likes to spend his down time), was arrested for not the WORST crime ever, but still something worth reading about:

Nick Carter was arrested in Florida on Wednesday night … TMZ has learned.
According to an eyewitness on the scene, cops took Nick into custody down in Key West at the Hog’s Breath Saloon — a pretty famous bar in the area. We’re told Carter was involved in some kind of scuffle inside the bar, and eventually the cops showed up and busted the Backstreet Boy.

Carter was arrested at 8:13 pm for misdemeanor battery. In a bar. At 8:13 pm. Who gets into a bar fight before midnight? I’m still cooking dinner at 8:00, the fuck are you doing going out and starting fights before elementary school kids are even going to bed?

Hilariously, TMZ states that Carter’s arrest documents state his occupation as “None.” Ouch. Well, I guess they’re not technically wrong — the fuck does Nick Carter do besides yoke the fact he was in a popular boy band from the 90’s? Dude needs a hobby. Maybe take up knitting, sailing…or starting misdemeanor bar fights before the bouncer even starts checking ID’s for the night. He’s got a head start on that last one already, why not keep going?