I tried to come up with a way to describe how I feel about bacon, but the English language is too restrictive to fully convey the extent to which I love that fatty, crunchy, delectable little strip of meat…so here’s some gifs that’ll do a better job than I ever could.
Homer’s got the right idea. Why eat fruit when you’ve got bacon?
And if it’s on sale, you better stock the fuck up.
But now we have bacon-powered motorcycles, aka my next mode of transportation after my poor 2001 Chrysler finally craps out.
“Austin, Minnesota-based meat brand Hormel Foods has collaborated with a biodiesel production company to create a B-100 fuel from the company’s bacon grease. “We actually had the grease from our Rochelle, Illinois plant so it is all 100 percent Black Label,” Nick Schweitzer, Hormel brand manager, told Austin’s KAAL TV. Running about $3.50 and 75 to 100 miles per gallon, the bike will be the star of a documentary, “Driven by Bacon,” where one lucky bacon-phile will ride from Austin to San Diego and talk to other “passionate people” along the way…
The real question, though, is whether bacon grease could be the fuel of the future. Back in 2009, the Los Angeles Times reported briefly on Bio-Blend Fuels, a Wisconsin-based company that was turning bacon grease into diesel before it was cool (Bio-Blend Fuels was founded in 2005). Sadly, the company permanently shut down its fuel production, according to an announcement in January. But perhaps the press from Hormel’s marketing push will generate future interest in this eco-friendly option.
‘If there were a bacon biodiesel tanker spill in the ocean, the fuel would be safe and mouthwatering fish food,’ the project organizers told the Washington Times. ‘This bacon biodiesel is nearly carbon-neutral, meaning it contributes almost zero emissions to global warming.’”
Okay, so bacon-powered motorcycles aren’t exactly right around the corner…but who knows? In 20 years you could be driving down the highway and only smell bacon rather than exhaust fumes. Why?
“‘The exhaust smells like bacon. So when we cruise past you, you’ll thank us.’”
Just shut up and take my money already.