Bagel Bites Now Has A Breakfast Version, For All Of Us Who Get Shitfaced In The Morning

by 5 years ago

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God, I was so sick of eating cereal with my Colt 45 in the morning. Finally there is an alternative that not only tastes better, but clogs your arteries in a quarter of the time!

Gone are the days of eating a “balanced” breakfast, now that delicious frozen snack has extended its brand into the morning.

Bagel Bites has released a line of breakfast bites that don’t make you feel shitty about eating pizza in the morning because it says “breakfast” on the box.

The bites come in five different flavors: Bacon, Egg, and Cheese; Sausage, Egg and Cheese; Bacon and Cheese; Bacon, Sausage and Cheese; and Diarrhea.

I’m equally as excited for the release of breakfast Bagel Bites as I am for the slew of ridiculous Bagel Bites commercials to follow.

The dude in this 1997 commercial sounds like he’s busting a nut throughout the entire thing. May have something to do with that MILF.