Massive Bear Strolling Through ‘Hood On Hind Legs Is Trying Really Hard To Act Casual

If I walk outside my front door and come face-to-face with bear I’ll do three things immediately and those three things are 1) shit my pants 2) slowly close the door and never leave my house again 3) die inside my house.

I don’t care how friendly or casual the bear appears. I don’t even care if it’s this bear, casually strolling through the ‘hood, acting like it ain’t no thing and minding his own on the way back into the woods.

“Oh hey George! Just out getting some fresh air. Moving the old legs around. You see that Super Bowl last night? I can’t believe Pete Carroll threw it from the one. I mean HELLO! Marshawn Lynch. Alright, well, gotta go and kill the Tessmacher’s dog. Let me know about golf next weekend!”

Casual bear.

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Chris Illuminati is a 5-time published author and recovering a**hole who writes about running, parenting, and professional wrestling.