These Are The Best Foreplay Tips On The Internet, So Take Notes If You Want To Preheat The Oven
Before you baste the turkey you’ve got to preheat the oven, and unfortunately for you turkey-loving bros out there it’s not about just dialing that knob up to 450-degrees fahrenheit. You might need to turn those knobs back and forth for quite some time, you might have to rub that knob down with a shammy before turning it on, and it’s that you could find yourself just talking to that knob for hours on end before it’s ready to go. We’re talking about foreplay here, the acts that immediately precede coitus.
On a thread recently over 1,300 people left comments regarding their best foreplay tips and unlike most advice on the Internet there’s actually some good tips in here, so if you’re looking to amp up your foreplay game then I suggest you take some notes, bros. Due to the nature of foreplay there’s some borderline NSFW advice below, but you should know that already, and it’s nothing you bros can’t handle.
However long you think you should spend on foreplay, double it at least.
You may be keen to slide straight into pound town after a few minutes of fumbling around down there, but keep on truckin’. Make yourself at home until she’s begging you for the D.
The extra build up will be more fun for her, and she’ll be closer to the edge if she hasn’t come already. All this means that there’s less pressure to be Mr Marathon Man, so you’ll have your fun without worrying about blowing it before she’s done.
Flat tongue, not pointed. Focus on rhythm and consistency. Be prepared to stay down there for a while. Learn to like it and it’ll pay off later.
This one should probably only apply to couples that know each other really, really well, and have discussed this beforehand at some point in life.
My wife is a deep sleeper. I don’t poke her in the face. I might as well be poking a rock with it.
But what I do do is this: eat her out while she is asleep and she wakes up literally by having an orgasm.
She has never done this, and not asked for my D after.
My gf at the time told me that she wants to wake up with oral sex. So I wake up a little early and start poking her face with my dick… Later i found out that girls can get oral as well ..
Here’s my favorite tip: If you are eating out a woman who hasn’t shaved and a pube finds its way onto your tongue, simply lick an area of her leg that doesn’t have hair and the pube will be left behind!
protip: if you’re on a twin bed, make sure you don’t accidentally aikido flip your fuck buddy straight onto the floor.
Let’s just put it this way. For you young’ns out there, the clit is at the top fellas. Someone could’ve saved me a lot of embarrassment in high school if they had just told me that.
Some poor girl laying there pretending to enjoy me tongue-punching her vaganus like I’m a goddamn bulldog eating a bowl of oatmeal. If you’re gonna go panning for gold and looking for El Dorado, it helps to start in the right hemisphere.
Guys: Don’t forget the nips, and don’t be afraid to take a ride to mufftown. Also, lots of kissing and making out.
Girls: Please just fucking reciprocate.
Before cunnilingus, brush your teeth AND gargle with something strong like listerine.
It helps you flavour-wise and makes it less likely she gets something nasty.
Before Aerlingus, make sure you have a ticket and a Visa.
When you initiate a kiss, don’t go in open-mouth, tongue out. Start out with a dry, closed-mouth kiss then work up to the tongue wrestling. Slobbering all over someone’s face is not a great start to a sexy adventure.
Smell nice. Figure out if she likes you to be gentle or rough. Make her feel wanted. Also generally explore every single part of her body instead of going straight for the boobs or vag. For instance, might I recommend the neck/shoulder/collarbone area (a personal favorite), the small of the back or behind her neck?
You’re gonna want to ask before you venture to brown town. And I’m not just talking about trying to stuff your cock in her ass like it’s the last helicopter out of Saigon, I mean a finger, a tongue…anything.
Nothing kills a good fuck session like you getting a little adventurous and trying to rim the poor girl out if she’s not into it. She clenches up and pulls away and says “what are you doing?!” You realize you’ve blown it. Again.
She doesn’t consider her asshole fair game and now all she’s thinking about is shit. There’s no going back.
Last but not least…
— Whatever you do, make sure to yell, “Fore!”. They need to know when its coming.
— Always make sure you swing all the way through when hitting the ball.
— Smooth strokes always help you avoid injury. Don’t want to throw out your shoulder on the first hole. You want to at least make it to the second.
— Start out with a big club, then move on to smaller ones. Ladies love it when you do it right.
There are a whole bunch more of these responses over on the AskReddit thread, and you can click through to read those by following any of the links above. Some I didn’t include here because they were too raunchy/explicit, so if you’re into reading more then you can just follow the yellow brick road.