As Baz Luhrmann so eloquently said in his 1999 smash hit The Sunscreen Song, “Don’t waste your time with jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.” I’ve subscribed to this mantra, and even if my exes were all banging the football team behind my back, at least I wasn’t losing sleep over it. Headspace is key, and I choose not to waste it on worrying if my girl is getting eiffel towered by the offensive line in the janitor’s closet.
Jealousy does not just take up headspace, it also turns the most rational of men into full-blown psychos. Like this 24-year-old UK dude named Daniel Dennis Robinson who hacked into his ex’s Amazon account and made some purchases that would suggest that his once lover is a sexual deviant.
Like this tasteful badge:
And this one:
And a little light reading for the Subway:
Daniel’s ex, Sarah Douce, is suing him for allegedly making these unwarranted purchases on his account, citing his motive was irrational and prompted by jealousy. Douce claims that her ex was stiflingly controlling and would make her prove where she was by sending her a picture on Snapchat.
According to Metro:
A ‘controlling’ boyfriend hacked into his ex’s Amazon account and bought her a badge saying ‘Slut of the Year’.
Daniel Dennis Robinson, 24, also bought student Sarah Douce a badge saying, ‘Cheap and easy’ and a book called ‘Sluts’.
Amanda Cullen, prosecuting, said, ‘On March 21 Miss Douce found someone had sent an email from her account to her mother’s account.
‘She also found someone had ordered items from her Amazon account. These included badges saying Cheap and Easy and Slut of the Year, and a book called Sluts.
Robinson admitted one charge of fraud and was ordered to complete 150 hours unpaid work and to pay £200 compensation.
Bro. You know what happens when you grab a handful of sand at the beach and squeeze too tightly? It falls between the cracks of your fingers. If you’re asking your girl to Snapchat you to prove she’s on the shitter, if she wasn’t cheating on you before, she probably started soon thereafter. Do less. Do significantly less.