So, If Reports About A Russian Kid Who Got Sick While Hunting Are True, It Sounds Like The Plague Is Back
Do you like that, America? Because that could be our future. Carts of dead people, just piled on top of each other. You cold? There’s a nice disease-ridden body fueled bonfire up the block you can go cuddle in front of. Why is this our future? No, it’s not because the machines are taking over. It’s because the Bubonic Plague is back.
“A 10-year-old boy has reportedly caught the Bubonic Plague after skinning a rodent – sparking fears of a mass outbreak. The boy was helping his grandfather on a hunting expedition when he caught the plague – known as the Black Death.
The unnamed child cut himself with the knife while skinning a marmot, and is now fighting for his life in intensive care with a high fever. Today he was in a ‘serious but stable’ condition. Vaccine is now being rushed to remote Kosh-Agach in the Altai Mountains for thousands of people in a bid to stop a full scale outbreak of the infection.
Bubonic plague was the cause of the Black Death that swept through Asia, Europe, and Africa in the 14th Century, killing an estimated 50 million people. The Russian authorities have taken all 17 people with whom the boy had contact with into quarantine. Six of this “at risk” group are children. At least 4,000 residents in the region will be urgently vaccinated as a precaution, said reports. Emergency vaccine for at least 15,000 people was ordered and has started arriving in the region in southern Siberia.”
Honestly, I’m kind of into this. There are way too many people in the world. The other day it took me like five minutes to get gas because there were so many people. Five minutes?! Get the fuck out of here. It’s 2016. You ever tried to go to a fast food restaurant in Manhattan. Talk about slow food. (Zing!) I’m not the only one who feels this way. Remember Dwight from The Office?
I agree, Dwight. Thin the herd. Dump the fat. Do we really need so many librarians? Books barely exist anymore. Plague ’em. Fast food workers? Just build a bunch of machines. Plague ’em. People who make greeting cards? Send a text message. Plague ’em. See, we need this. I hope this kid escapes. And then comes to America. But not my house. Leave me alone.