Ohh Detroit. My favorite place to read about and never, ever visit because I don’t have a death wish. Most of Detroit’s news centers around being murdered and how ridiculously broke the city is, but today we bring you a happier tale:
Giant penises getting burnt into football fields.
It’s a happy tale for you and I, the people who like to kick people while they’re down and laugh (I’m only half serious…half). But for the people of Bedford High School who don’t find giant pictures of dicks funny, I suppose it’s more of a reminder how much Detroit sucks.
It’s thought whoever was responsible used weedkiller to make the huge outline of male genitalia at Bedford High School’s pitch.
The incident has forced the school to relocate games, and is reportedly costing $10,000 to fix.
According to the Detroit Free Press, the football field was inscribed with ‘2016?’ and two smaller, 30-yard depictions of genitals besides the main member.
The Monroe County Sheriff’s Office plans to seek criminal charges, the Free Press reported, and the mother could face charges of contributing to the delinquency of a minor.
“We are going to prosecute to the full extent of the law,” Superintendent Mark Kleinhans said.
“This isn’t a little prank misdemeanor. This is a felony.”
$10,000 in damage? That’s $9,999 more dollars than the entire city of Detroit has! And to be fair, from looking at the image it looks like the field was already pretty shitty. I mean look at it. There’s a giant underwear streak of exposed dirt running the length of the field. Throwing in a giant cock obviously doesn’t help at all, but it’s not like the field was “pristine” by any means in the first place.
[H/T and image via Mirror]