CEO Writes Scathing Open Letter To Millennials, Calling Us Little Bitches And Other Things That Hurt My Feelings

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I am coddled. I am self-important. I think I deserve things I really didn’t work for. I still have a Christmas list. I recently got upset at my tax accountant for paying $200 only for him to tell me I owe the government $2,100. I was livid at the dude. For doing his job. Fuck you, Mr. Bertocci. Crook. I bitch and moan about student loan debt from college, even though they were the best four years of my life (just ask my penis, leave my liver out of this though.)

Bottom line is that my father is likely disappointed with the way I turned out. I switched job industries twice since college, whereas at my age my dad owned his own construction company and married my mother. The closest thing to love I’ve experienced in the past couple years is the reckless “you up?” texts I send girls who have long forgotten about my existence. Whatever, different strokes for different folks, right? And if anyone knows about stroking, it’s this guy.

And although I don’t typically accept advice from strangers, I found this CEO’s open letter to millennials to contain some important lessons about not being a little bitch. His name is Kyle S. Reyes and he is the president and CEO of The Silent Partner Marketing firm. Just pretend that instead of working for a marketing company, Reyes is a NAVY Seal or something. Packs more of a punch.

 

Dear College Students,

I remember the stress of college. The anxiety of papers due. The uncertainty of relationships. The concerns about what I was going to do after graduation.

I get it. It’s tough.

I also remember professors who challenged our perceived notions of “right” and “wrong.” I recall being exposed to movies, books and papers that I massively disagreed with. Looking back, I can visualize the heated debates between people with different perspectives. I can almost hear the yelling, the screaming, the passion and the CHALLENGES.

You’re studying and learning during the Industrial Revolution of our generation. It’s exciting. It’s encouraging. It’s liberating. And yet somehow, it’s also leading to your wussification.

Before you get all offended and run to your “safe place,” understand that I pulled that word right out of one of your trusted resources of knowledge – urbandictionary.com.

Here’s the first hit for the word:
wussification (verb): The act of turning one into a wussy.

I’m sorry. I hope you didn’t mistake this letter to be one that would tell you how wonderful you are and that you’re going to make the world a wonderful place. No, my friends, that’s not what this letter is at all. This is an open letter to all those of you who are whining your way through college looking for a safe place and an entitled hall pass.

I come with a very simple message. When you cast off that safety blanket and enter into the real world, this thing called life is going to slap you faster than you can say, “Do you want fries with that?”
I recently saw an article about these so-called “marginalized students” at the University of Arizona issuing 19 pages of demands. Then, of course, the students at Emory University who needed counseling because they didn’t feel “safe” when they saw writing in chalk that said “Trump 2016.”

To all those of you looking for your “safe place,” I have to wonder: How the hell do you walk out of your dorm (or your parents’ basement) without getting hit by a bus every day?

So on behalf of CEO’s across the country, I’d like to share with you a few lessons that you might want to learn before graduation.

1. The Business World Doesn’t Give A Damn About You

No, really – it’s true. You saw something on the internet that you found offensive? You’ve got the sniffles? Your boyfriend broke up with you? Well, that sucks. Deal with it. I expect you to get your work done on time. Hit traffic that made you late for the fourth time this week? You should have learned after the first time that you needed to leave your house early.

Listen, even the best bosses have their breaking points. Excuses might fly in college, but they’re NOT going to fly when we’re paying you to actually get things done.

2. The Only Safe Place Is Your Home

In the real world – and especially the business world – we’re going to challenge you. We’re going to push you. We’re going to demand that you consider other perspectives. We’re going to rip your ideas to shreds from time to time. And we’re going to insist that you play nicely with others to find ideas that actually work and implement them.

We’re going to get really pissed when you don’t deliver, and we’re going to get even more pissed when you cost us money because you weren’t willing to hustle hard enough to get the job done. And if you slack off enough, there’s no “bell curve” that’s going to save your ass from a big fat pink slip. Lucky for you there are enough people working in the unemployment office who’ve also been wussified by the system to make sure that even though you were fired for not showing up to work, you’ll probably still get to collect unemployment and sit on your ass.

3. There’s No Such Thing As “Free”

I get it. You’ve been told that money grows on trees, that education should be free for all and that everything in life should be handed to you on a silver platter.

But welcome to the big kids’ playground. You want that health insurance? It’s going to cost you. Oh, you don’t want it? That will cost you too. You want an apartment? A house? A car? Believe it or not, you need to actually come up with some money for that! Oh, and you can quit your whining about taxes. Because SOMEONE has to pay for all of that “free” stuff – and now it’s you, sucker.

4. If You Don’t Want To Be A Victim, Then Don’t Be

In college, any time your feelings were hurt, you were a victim. If you were challenged, the challenger was a “bigot” and you were the poor person who had their feelings hurt. Here in the real world, we expect you to be challenged and to understand that humility is just as important as bravado. Selflessness is more important that selfishness. The content of who you are as a person is more important than the color of your skin or your socio-economic background or your sex or your weight or your religious affiliation.

5. Success Is Hard Work

We’re not going to give you five breaks a day. You’re going to have to work nights and weekends from time to time. You want to make “the big bucks”? Then consider a nine-hour workday to be a part-time job. You’re most likely NOT going to graduate college and find a six-figure job. Hell, you’re going to be lucky if you find ANY job … and you should be grateful when you find it. Grateful … and prepared to work like a maniac to get ahead. Because in the real world, you don’t get a pass just because mommy and daddy are paying your bills.

So, ladies and gentlemen, enjoy the remainder of your time being gentle little snowflakes. Revel in the time you have at the world’s most expensive daycares across the country. Because soon, you’ll be in OUR world. And it’s about to get real.

Sincerely,
Kyle S. Reyes
President/CEO

“Mom. MOM! Kyle hurt my feelings!”

[h/t New Boston Post, TFM]

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