Chick Creates Powerball Reimbursement GoFundMe And Has Raised A Stupid Amount

You bros know those commercials with the super sad music and a white guy dressed like a white guy walking through a decimated village in a poverty-stricken country with a child who’s attracting flies? The child looks so sad, so hopeless, so dirty.

“For just one dollar every nine years, you could give this child shelter, clothing, education, food, a loving husband, an iPad, a hoverboard, a warranty for said hoverboard, etc.” The white dude names like 93 things that would benefit the child and for six American pennies every other Tuesday. You pay more and they name the fucking village after you.

Show of hands–how many people have taken the white guy up on his offer to do good when it’s most needed? Anyone? Buels? Bonus Question: how many people kept the little UNICEF boxes our teachers gave on Halloween us to raise money for those kids? It’s one of my biggest regrets.

Our collective misplaced sense of humanitarianism is highlighted no better than this woman named Cinnamon Nicole from Tennessee who has raised over $800 in seven hours via her Powerball Reimbursement Go Fund Me page.

Cinnamon claims to have spent all her money on purchasing tickets with the assumption that she would win the $1.6 billion jackpot (at a reasonable 1 in 292 million odds), and says she can’t go home because she doesn’t have any more money.

Please help me and my family as we have exausted all of our funds. We spent all of our money on lottery tickets (expecting to win the 1.5 billion) and are now in dire need of cash. With your small donation of at least $1.00, a like  and one share, I’m certain that we will be able to pick ourselves up from the trenches of this lost and spend another fortune trying to hit it big again! PLEASE, won’t you help a family in need. DONATE NOW.

Instead of picking up a couple more shifts at the titty bar, Cinnamon decides to phone it in and play poor for the dumbass naive shleps of this country. Oh was it presumptuous to assume that a woman named Cinnamon works at a strip club? This formula is scientific: Cinnamon, titty bar = water, wet.

I know I don’t have to tell you bros this but if you fucking donate one iota to this chick I will come to your place of residence dressed as a bear and pretend you’re Leo.

Commenter Kenyatta Gibson said it perfectly, as pointed out by Yahoo:

“Guuuuuuuuuuurl…….I ‘SWEATERGAAAAAWD’ if I see one person give you one rusty copper penny I will spend ten times what you spent on lottery tickets on PLANE tickets to fly to their humble abode so spoiled in riches that they can afford to make it rain on Sweet Brown like ratchet humans such as you who choose to spend their cash on Remy, Flaming Hot Cheetos, VOSS Water and Powerball , and commence to kicking every single one of their asses!!!”

REMINDER: DON’T DONATE or I’ll go Berenstain Bear on your ass.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.