I can’t remember the last time I got an STD test. Oh that’s right, because I prefer to run away from my problems rather than face them, like a true Beta Male. “Ignorance is bliss” is what Christopher Columbus said AMIRIGHT…before he died of syphilis. But I’m just a tall child struggling with this responsibility thing my mom preaches to me about. I’ve checked Twitter 29 times today, but haven’t checked my credit score since 2008. I’m doing this life thing all wrong, but don’t worry, it will all come back to bite me in the ass. Or the penis.
So the irony of a sexually active man like myself (like VERY sexually active *fist bump*) avoiding the clinic while an eight-year-old boy with no knowledge of the concept of sex is set to receive an STD test, is straight up shameful on my part.
A student at Colorado’s Bennett Elementary School was being a kid at recess yesterday when he came across a condom, according to 7News.
Being a curious kid, the boy tried blowing up the condom (naturally).
A teacher then spotted the boy with a balloon in his mouth and indicated to the his mother that she believed it to be used. The boy was then rushed inside to wash his hands and his mouth and a staff member threw the condom in the trash, eliminating the possibility for testing it for disease.
The boy is currently being tested for HIV, Hepatitis C, Herpes, Gonorrhea and Chlamydia. He may have several blood tests in the next year due to the fact that some STDs take a year to rear their ugly heads.
The boy’s mother, in the worst-case-scenario mindset, told 7News,
“That would be a lifelong [process], millions of dollars in medical bills. I mean this is just an unbelievable tragedy.”
She also tried to get the school to pay for his medical tests citing negligence but was rejected by the Colorado School Districts Self Insurance Pool because the money would have to come from taxpayers of the community.
Officials from the local health departments believe there is little risk because the condom was outside for an extended period of time, losing its STD-ness.
Let’s hope they’re right.
[H/T Elite Daily]