China Is Launching A New Submarine That Could Be Nuking Your House By This Christmas

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I’ve got some disappointing news for you Bros who weren’t spending your Thursday afternoon contemplating China’s ascension to global hegemon, and the ensuing all-out war with America that would stem from that rise.

Because China’s been thinking about it. China’s been thinking about it a lot.

Why else would the Asian nation be deploying a new nuclear submarine, one that could launch ballistic missile after ballistic missile at your house. (Your house being the White House and you being Barack Obama. You do read BroBible, Mr. President?) To be our friends? Friends don’t do that. You don’t see Spain trying to nuke us.

Bloomberg Business has the terrifying scoop about the new Red Menace.

A Chinese nuclear submarine designed to carry missiles that can hit the U.S. is likely to deploy before year’s end, the Pentagon said, adding to Obama administration concerns over China’s muscle-flexing in Asia.

China’s navy is expected this year to conduct the first patrol of its Jin-class nuclear-powered submarine armed with JL-2 submarine-launched ballistic missiles, the Pentagon’s Defense Intelligence Agency said in a statement.

Could those ballistic missiles hit all 50 states? You bet your damn ass.

Sending the submarines on patrol is a significant step because JL-2 missiles have a range of about 4,600 miles (7,403 kilometers). The U.S.-China Economic and Security Review Commission has said the missiles could reach Alaska if launched from waters near Japan, and all 50 U.S. states if launched from waters east of Hawaii.

Neat.

China, in a statement, wants to remind everyone it is not fucking around.

[Larry Wortzel, a member of the U.S.-China Economic and Security Review Commission] Wortzel said his commission’s 2015 report probably will include a comment from PLA Navy Commander Admiral Wu Shengli, who said the submarine-missile combination is “a trump card that makes our motherland proud and our adversaries terrified.”

It’s certainly working for me. What about you?

[H/T End Times Headline]