Here Is The Corporate Workplace Jargon Employees Hate The Most


For anyone whose worked in a corporate structure with a hierarchy that relays every message using tired cliches, it can get fucking infuriating. Like dude, all we care about is the next pizza outing, summer Fridays, and whether or not we’re getting Christmas bonuses–we don’t need to hear you drone on about the company’s “bottom line” and a “promising future.” We don’t care about you, so don’t pretend like you care about us. Save your condescending schtick for the investors.

I know I’m not alone in my frustrations. Odds are, you’ve probably dealt with corporate speak. A new survey commissioned by David Whitby, UK Country Manager at Glassdoor, set to find out the jargon that infuriates employees most. Here are the results, as collected by Daily Mail:

1. Touch base (according to 24 percent of employees)
To meet or talk about a specific issue

2. Blue sky thinking (21 percent)
Creative thinking not grounded in reality

3. We’re on a journey (13 percent)
Highlighting that a company, team or project has not yet reached its mission or objective

4. Game changer (13 percent)
A product, idea or process that represents a significant shift in thinking or way of doing things

5. No-brainer (13 percent)
Claiming that something is an irrefutably good idea

6. Thought shower (11 percent)
A meeting to share ideas, often without considering practical limitations

7. Run it up the flagpole (11 percent)
To present an idea and see if it generates a favourable reaction

8. If you don’t like it, get off the bus (10 percent)
Implying that a colleague should leave a company if they are unhappy

9. Mission statement (10 percent)
A stated ‘reason for being’ in respect of a company and its activities

10. Pick it up and run with it (10 percent)
To continue an activity or process that someone else has started, often when that person could not finish it or make it work

11. Punch a puppy (9 percent)
To do something horrible for the greater good

12. Let’s get our ducks in a row (9 percent)
To align a team or multiple parties in preparation for an event or discussion

My blood pressure just spiked.

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[h/t Daily Mail]

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.