I’m so glad I wasn’t invited to this because it would undoubtedly cause a fight in my household. As men, we are prideful creatures. We are wired to believe that our penises are the best penises. Any differing opinions are incorrect. We convince ourselves that our girls are even half as excited to receive a nudie from us as we are to receive one from them. This is evidenced in the fact that half of my dick pic snapchats from this weekend remain unopened. I refuse to believe my penis is objectively ugly. I don’t understand how a saggy sack of testicle mass with long, sporadic hairs is unappetizing to women who also don’t like the taste of rotting gruyere cheese.
That’s why I’d expect my girl to describe my penis as “Excalibur,” but in reality she may say something like “board game piece.”
Board game pieces are a choking hazard and are advised to keep away from your mouth. That explains everything.