New Yorkers Waiting In Line For Cronuts Completely Unfazed By Dead Body Because They’re Already Dead On The Inside

This one really hits home for me, bros, because I lived on this block for three years. Every morning we’d walk our Bernese Mountain Dog in SoHo and see those stupid fucking tourists and faux-foodies waiting in line for cronuts. You might think that after a few months the cronut craze would’ve died off but I shit you not if you check out that line at 6:30am on a Saturday morning it’s still down the street and wrapped around the block. People are still going crazy for cronuts, a better than average dessert but one that’s definitely not super memorable, and they’re still so ravenous for cronuts that they were willing to stand in line for cronuts with a dead body beginning to decompose on a park bench next to them.

via CBS Local:

NEW YORK (CBSNewYork)– People were waiting in line outside the SoHo bakery famous for creating the “Cronut,” despite a dead body slouched on a nearby bench.
When EMS responded, most people reportedly stayed in line, 1010 WINS Roger Stern reported.
Alex, a woman visiting from Indiana, said she would have stayed for a chance at scoring the tasty treat.
“I just heard that they’re so good so might as well just wait,” she said.
John from the East Village had a different take and said he would’ve have left.
“I doubt I would have stayed. That’s just too much, just to get a Cronut, that’s too much of an experience,” he said.
As for the man on the bench, sources said he’s from the area and that his death does not appear to be suspicious.

For their part, the NYPD at least moved the line in the direction so that it would run West to East and not straight in front of a dead body:

The trademarked cronuts are sold at Dominique Ansel bakery on Spring Street in SoHo. There are benches nearby as an extension of Vesuvio Playground, one of the city parks that has a pool, playground, and basketball court. The basketball court’s a hot spot for dog owners to bring their pups at night before the city come by and locks it up and it’s a place I’ve spent a considerable amount of time in NYC.

So when I first heard about this story I was most curious as to which of the neighborhood’s residents actually died. I have my theories, and I think it was most likely this red-faced alcoholic who used to also sell drugs on the corner but was also sort of a ‘neighborhood watch’ type and would often be seeing yelling at other homeless people in the area until they left. The report says ’47-year-old man’ and the guy I’m talking about was roughly that age, but without a name or picture, I just can’t be sure. Whoever it was this still bums me out entirely, as those benches often turn into tent cities for the homeless population who have nowhere else to go for help and the city does nothing for them and just lets them sleep there.

For reference, this is where it happened:

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(h/t CBS Local // Gothamist)

Cass Anderson avatar
Cass Anderson is Editor-in-Chief of BroBible. He graduated from Florida State University, has been to more Phish concerts than he’d like to admit, and primarily specializes in Outdoor, Gear, and Whiskey-related content.