Trustworthy Dad Lets Toddler Take A Golf Shot Off His Face, And It Ends As Horribly As You’d Expect

I don’t know the first thing about fatherhood, I can hardly take care of myself. But I’m going to go out on a limb here and venture a guess that if your child is still taking dumps in his pants, it may not be a good idea to have him tee off of your face. Just a third party suggestion. Again, no experience in the matter. I’m 27-years-old and my dad still doesn’t trust me to drive his car to the gas station. Granted, I’m usually drunk, so his reasoning is valid, but nonetheless, it’s about eliminating risk. I can’t help but fear for this kid’s future. If he’s taking cuts off his dads melon as a toddler, the trend suggests that at 16, he’s going to be snorting bath salts off his birthday cake. Just make sure I get an invite to the party. And goodie bags. I want a fucking goodie bag.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.