Watching ‘Dream Dad’ Danny Tanner Dance Is The Most Awkward Way To Celebrate Father’s Day

Not trying to take anything away from your dad or mine, but I think it’s safe to say that D-Tanner is who our dads aspire to be. Granted, sometimes, actually most times, I want to punch his goofy face square in the jaw and watch his knees buckle as his entire family helplessly watched, but that’s only because he’s Danny and he wouldn’t do shit about it.

But sometimes don’t we want to punch our own dads in the noggin? Dads are tasked with the thankless responsibility of telling you when you’re being an irresponsible douchenozzle. They are the ones who will wake you up at 7 am after a night of drinking to clean the leaves out of the gutters. They are the ones who will smack you upside the head when you’re being disrespectful to mom. Dads don’t need you to like them, they just need you to be the best you possible. They’ll be the bad guy so you’ll turn out good. And that’s some selfless shit right there. Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there trying to provide a good life for us spoiled, whining millennials.

Except you, Tanner, look at me like that again and your be spending Father’s Day in the hospital. You too, Gladstone.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.