This isn’t going to be a rant. It’s not going to look anything like this: “Bros over hoes just isn’t true because, like, I know for a fact that, like, my boyfriend puts me before everyone in his life. I’m the center of his universe and his “bros” just have to deal with that #blessed.”
1) I would never hashtag blessed, seriously and 2) any woman who refers to herself as the center of any man’s universe is an asshole who shouldn’t be hired by anyone, let alone BroBible.
I’m just going to lay out the facts. Continue reading if you’re interested/bored while taking a shit.
Let’s define bros over hoes, shall we? A hoe isn’t actually a hoe. This isn’t bros over people who fuck for money. In this adage, a hoe is a woman.
That was easy. Now…why isn’t this statement true?
First of all, putting a bro over a hoe in some capacities is pretty simple. For example, if a bro is bleeding on the street corner and a hoe is calling you to ask what your Netflix password is…the equation is easily solved. Bro comes first. You let the hoe go to voicemail.
That’s just basic human decency though. From what I’ve observed however, most bros will chose a hoe 9/10 times.
“Bring on an example, woman!”
I’m getting there…
The girl you’re hooking up with calls you while you’re at a bar. Your friend is upset because he just lost his job or some shit, or maybe his cat has AIDS, I don’t know…something like that. You like this girl. She’s hot. She’s not clingy—yet, and you want to have sex with her. Dilemma: You promised you’d get your friend laid in his state of upset. You’re being a good wing-man and hanging around. Bigger dilemma: You promised your dick you’d get laid in your state of ….well, being a dude.
The phrase, “bros over hoes,” pops into your head, whereupon your body tells you to shut up and you leave your friend at the bar. I’m going to speculate that 99.9% of men would do this.
Why would most men do this? I’ll tell you why—because when faced with the decision between sex and essentially anything else, you’re going to choose sex. It’s in your DNA. It’s manifest destiny. See the stars at night? It’s written in them. It’s not your fault!
Are you going to sleep with best friend’s wife? Most likely not, but it happens. Are you going to sleep with your best friend’s sister? Most likely not, but, that too, happens. Are you going to sleep with your best friend’s mom? You get the point.
Men become helpless in the face of sex. It’s their kryptonite. Therefore if we look at “bros over hoes” clearly…it’s just not true. I think what bothers me the most is the denial. Why can’t men just admit this? Think about it—if a girl sleeps with her best friend’s boyfriend—it’s fucking-mayhem. Seriously, it will turn into some straight up biblical, end-of-the-world shit. Why? Because women can control their sexual urges better than men can. Therefore most women will not let the whole, “Well I’m a sexual-being and this is what I need,” excuse fly with another woman. This is not speculation. This is fact. Of course, there are exceptions.
If a man sleeps with his best friend’s girlfriend is there going to be a fight? Sure. Is there going to be bloodshed? Maybe…but that will be it. Men understand each other in ways that women don’t. It’s clear you recognize your weaknesses, you just don’t own them, and as such mask them with shitty phrases like….dum,dum,dum, “bros over hoes.”
At the end of the day you all want to think that you’re capable of putting women second, but you’re not…at least not sexually and in my opinion that’s a big fucking part of life. If this phrase was just some silly thing men say on occasion, I’d let it slide, but I feel like some of you definitely have it tattooed, which means it must be addressed.
If we have to keep this phrase, let’s give it a realistic spin, “Bros over hoes, except for when the hoe is naked—then she comes first and any and all good-conscience gets thrown to the wayside for the duration of coitus and blood returns to all necessary areas.”