Bat Shit Crazy Diner Owner Screams At Toddler To Shut Up, Facebook War Ensues, Who Ya Got?

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diner owner

What’s more annoying than a screaming baby when you’re hungover trying to force down some scramby eggs? The owner of the diner telling said baby to shut the fuck up, that’s who. And that’s what went down as this family was traveling through Portland, Maine and stopped at Marcy’s Diner, one of the city’s most popular weekend brunch spots.

According to Porland’s WCSH6,

[Marcy’s owner Darla Neugebauer] said the child’s parents had ordered three pancakes and then didn’t feed them to the girl, causing the child to cry loudly. After attempts to get the family to leave, or to take the girl outside, the diner owner said she slammed her hands down on the counter and told the girl to be quiet.

This sparked an entertaining adult Facebook confrontation (adult Facebook confrontations are the most entertaining because they haven’t figured out that the Internets is forever). See the exchange below:

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Case for family: Relax, psycho. We’ve had to put our dreams on hold to wipe our child’s ass and read him shitty picture books and we have no personal identities anymore because our child require around-the-clock attention and the last thing we need is your demented ass to spit on the ashes of our former selves and make a mockery of our new lives as nurturers. WE ALWAYS WANTED A MOTORCYCLE GOD DAMNIT.

Case for diner owner: Shut that fucking thing up. I don’t care how you do it. Just make that shrilling sound stop. I have 75 customers in here whose experience has been hindered because your offspring thinks the world evolves around her. We live in a world where everyone wants attention, everyone deserves a trophy, but no ones willing to draw the hard line in the sand. Three pancakes for a toddler is objectively three too many pancakes. If anything, I’m saving your little terror from diabetes. You’re welcome. Make sure you reflect my good deed in the tip, bitches.

Take a look at good ol’ Darla in action. This is rare footage of her when she’s not strapped in a straight jacket:

[h/t Happy Place]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.