Dog Finds Giant Diesel Dildo On Walk With Owner And I Don’t Get Why She’s Laughing, Free Dildos Are A Serious Matter

Do you have any idea how much a good dildo costs? Like, $90. That’s $90 more dollars than watching clips on Redtube costs, and $89 more dollars than a cucumber from Safeway. So the next time this lady’s dog finds a dildo during a stroll through the woods, instead of laughing it off like it’s some big joke she should count her blessings, then buy the biggest bottle of Purell commercially available and get busy washing that thing. Like she’s NOT going to use it – how can you let something potentially so expensive go to waste when it’s FREE?

Then again, this also begs the question of why the dildo was in the woods in the first place. Maybe someone was trying to make some amateur porn, get in touch with their nature side, or maybe it was being shared by a gang of homeless men who accidentally lost it after a night of sweat-lubed passion (they pooled all their money together for the dildo and couldn’t afford lube afterwards). All the Purell in the world won’t save the poor rubber dick if that’s the case, which means poor lil’ Galaxy the Chocolate Labrador needs to be put down for his own good.

Sorry ol’ boy, you’ve had a good run in life – and it’s always to go out with a bang rather than a sigh, although in this case your owner is getting the bang and you’re just getting the shit end of a stick.

[H/T Mirror]