Watch This Drunk Talk Himself INTO A DUI

This mind-numbing video clip comes to us via the Cops TV show, which I had no idea that it was still even being made. But goddammit, this show is still a treasure trove of idiots.

In this episode of Cops we learn the invaluable lessons that you can’t drive drunk, you can’t drive reckless if you’re drunk and you should shut your goddamn piehole if you are drunk and pulled over by a police officer for reckless driving.

The young man driving tells the officer that he was spinning his tires because one of his passengers had never been in a muscle car. The very polite officer could relate because he had a ’74 Gran Torino AKA car from The Starsky & Hutch when he was a kid.

The officer checks the driver’s record and is about to tell him to have a nice night and send him on his merry way. Then the driver completely lost his goddamn shit. He starts complaining that the police cruiser’s headlights are too bright and he can’t see. “How am I supposed to drive with these bright lights?,” the idiot rambles.

He continues to talk about spinning his tires because his homeboy never did that before. You can hear him slurring his words more and more.

The cop then asks, “Have you had any drinks tonight?” And the driver continues the “honesty is the best policy,” and tells the officer that he had three drinks two hours ago.

Even with this new and incriminating news, the best cop ever was about to let him go again scott-free. The officer instructs him to park his car and walk home.

The dipshit then exposes exactly how drunk he was and then starts cursing up a storm at the officer and accuses the officer of stealing his license. One little problem, the wallet is blatantly out in the open and sitting in the inebriated driver’s lap.

The next thing the dumbest driver ever knows is that he’s doing a field sobriety test, which he of course failed.

“I’m a little drunk,” he says. “I’m drunk.”

Hey fucko, have you ever heard of the expression, “Loose lips sink ships?”

He then incriminates himself on driving drunk previously. “Do you know how many times I’ve driven home like this?”

This dude took a giant, steamy shit on his own Miranda Rights.

“You have the right to remain silent and not blab about how drunk you are. Anything you say (Especially slurring your words and arguing with a cop who gave you a free pass) can and will be used against you in a court of law.”

He was charged with driving under the influence and reckless driving.

Don’t drink and drive people. And shut your goddamn yap.

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