Dude ‘Celebrating’ Bachelor Party Alone Because Everyone’s Flight Was Canceled Is So Sad
Robert Chernow is a New York improviser, and he did his best improvisation on Thursday after all his friends that were scheduled to be at a pleasurable bachelor party were M.I.A. after their flight was canceled. While Robert carried through with the festivities, it turned out to be a sad, sad one-man party.
Chernow flew to Chicago to get crazy with fellow bros, but when the group was not there he decided to make the most of bad situation. He stuck to the game plan and went to the Chicago Bears preseason game at Soldier Field.
All by himself.
And just like Chernow’s friends, the Cincinnati Bengals didn’t show up and got spanked by the Bears by a score of 24-0.
He was on this boat all by himself.
He went to the Navy Pier carousel all by himself.
He went to Millennium Park all by himself.
He became so desperate for any companionship that he started up a Tinder account to hopefully find that special someone who would turn his signature hashtag #ChicagoForOne into #ChicagoForTwo.
However his Tinder experience only left him even more empty inside his barren soul.
THANKFULLY Robbie made some confidants along the way to cure his seemingly forever alone jaunt. Not only did he make friends with Michelle and her family, but she gave him a mini bottle of wine. Which is so great because alcohol totally doesn’t exacerbate painful and depressing loneliness.
Robert made the acquaintance of Audrey and Nicolette, who were trying to get people at the Bears’ game to sign up for credit cards. And Robert was such a charming gentleman or had the heartbreaking appearance of desperation oozing from him that that they gave him a free Bears schedule magnet even though he didn’t sign up for the Master Card.View this post on Instagram
This is Michelle. Her and her family sat next to me on the boat (the seats that my friends would've been occupying had they made it here). She showed genuine remorse for my situation - So much so that she gave me a mini bottle of Cabernet before telling her kids "let's go sit somewhere else and let the sad man be alone". Thanks, Michelle! #chicagoforone
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This is Audrey and Nicolette. Even though I didn't sign up for the Master Card they were promoting, they still gave me a Bears schedule magnet because they felt bad and as Nicolette said "this will look good on your mini fridge. (Beat). You seem like someone with a mini fridge". Thanks, Audrey & Nicolette! #chicagoforone
Robbie made friends with Ray, the captain of his water taxi, who inspired him by saying, “You must live in order to keep the bachelor party dream alive.”
However whatever motivation that Ray provided, it was quickly drained by the unpleasant and sobering truth uttered by Theresa at Portillo’s, “These sandwiches are normally meant to be shared, but you seem sad enough to finish one by yourself.”View this post on Instagram
This is Ray. He was the captain of my water taxi. After hearing my story he insisted I wear a life vest to ensure my safety. Accordingly to him "you must live in order to keep the bachelor party dream alive". Thanks, Ray! Sidenote - as apropos as it is that I'm literally blue in this picture, that was a random coincidence, not an added filter meant to illustrate my current mood. #chicagoforone
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This is Theresa. She works at Portillo's (which I've been told on Tinder has the best italian beef sandwich in town). According to Theresa, "these sandwiches are normally meant to be shared, but you seem sad enough to finish one by yourself". Thanks, Theresa! #chicagoforone
At the John Hancock Tower, Robbie befriend Chad, who totally seemed sympathetic towards Robert’s struggle.
Robbie ended the memorable day by treating himself to a spa day.
After seeing his excruciating torment, his friends, who actually care about him and don’t ditch him at a bachelor party, set up a #ChicagoForOne GoFundMe campaign. It has raised a robust $45.
We haven’t heard of any incidents of jumpers at the Hancock Tower so I’d imagine that he survived his friendless bachelor party extravaganza.