Top 5 Shittiest Things On The Planet
- Mass Disease
- Poverty
- Those Sara McLachlan commercials with the sheltered one-eyed dogs
- ISIS
- Traffic
Honorable mention: Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2
I think we’d all agree that we’d take extensive measures to avoid any of these six things.
Traffic is the work of the devil. I would have slipped it into the number one slot but my fragile self couldn’t handle getting lambasted in the comment section (“This asshole Matt would rather fight ISIS with AIDs while slaughtering a puppy than sit in an 1-95 backup!!” No comment. *nods repeatedly*)
Traffic sucks because it doesn’t allow you to completely veg out, but prohibits progress. It holds you hostage in this infuriating purgatory of boredom, but you aren’t allowed to remedy your boredom with masturbation because, well, laws and shit.
That’s why I can completely understand any and all measures to make one’s trip a little less hellish. Ya know, throw a cardboard cutout of Michael Jordan in your passenger’s seat to cruise through the carpool lane. Or a sack of potatoes. Or an OH MY LORD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!
A trooper stopped this #HOV lane violator this morning near #Tacoma…At least he’s in the 🎃 spirit. #TrickOrTicket pic.twitter.com/nLeXgtqnad
— Trooper Guy Gill (@wspd1pio) October 27, 2015
“”
This Washington state savage strapped a zombie baby to the passengers seat of his car to speed through the carpool lane on Interstate 5 in Tacoma.
According to NBC News,
Washington state Trooper Guy Gill said the violator was pulled over and given something far more scarier — a $136 ticket. But the man was let off the hook when the agency “gave him a break for not having a car seat,” Gill joked.
THIS IS WHY I SLEEP WITH A NIGHT LIGHT, BRUH.
[h/t NBC News]