Dude Selling Thong That Emily Ratajkowski Left In His Bathroom For $50, May Be The Worst Businessman On The Planet

by 4 years ago

Bro. I’m by no means a business guru, but I know a little something turning a profit. I sold weed. Huddle up. You have the panties of arguably the hottest woman in the world in your possession and you’re going to give them away for the price of an eighth of shwag bud, you belong in a straight jacket. Know your market. It’s the internet. To give you a little perspective: In 2002, a cluster of Elvis’ hair sold for $115,000. In 2004, Britney Spears’ ABC gum sold for $14,000. And in 2010, a jar of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s breath sold on eBay for $530. And you have the used panties of goddess on your bathroom floor and you’re willing to give them to some mouth-breather for the price of a pair of socks from Brooks Brothers?

Here’s the Craigslist ad…., which has a number you can call to inquire about buying said used panties.



Here’s a visual representation of what we’re dealing with:


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New swim digitals

A post shared by Emily Ratajkowski (@emrata) on

Ok, are we on the same page now? My advice is to hop online and amend your ad by adding three zeros on the end of your original $50 asking price. If there is a hint of a skid mark on them, add one more zero. Actually, who the fuck am I kidding? She doesn’t poop. Also, I think you need to find a way to guarantee that you haven’t wrapped them around your weiner and stroked your kielbasa with them.

Or we can call it an even $50 and I’ll venmo you right this second.

TAGSCraigslistEmily Ratajkowskipantiesthong