I hope this dude shattered his tailbone and he shits out tiny, sharp shards of bone until the day he dies. I hope his shit looks like it has Sriracha on it until he perishes–cold, alone, and forgotten. I hope the dog struts over before his very last breath, looks him straight in his eye, and takes a giant, corny dump on his chest. I hope once the dude arrives at the pearly gates, a pack of pooches is awaiting him to judge his bitch ass. I hope they send him and his fiery, tailbone excreting butthole to the depths of hell where every cat that’s ever lived will pick at his body like beach pigeons attacking an abandoned bag of Cheetos.