“It’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean,” says your friend with a Sorry piece for a penis.
Any close friend group knows the dude whose got the Jolly Rancher. It’s not like you sit around with a tape measure and all whip out your meat popsicles at once, but dick size is pertinent information in a strong friendship–for better or for worse.
But, as LADbible points out, micropenises can be the result of a disorder called Hypospadias. This unfortunate condition is a congenital defect of the penis results and results in a dude’s penis not growing longer than 2 and a half inches. It affects one in every 3,000 boys.
An Essex, England native named Steve Baker went 59 years of his life too embarrassed to address his condition with a doctor or any sexual partners. Steve is rocking a hog that is a little over an inch long and the condition has altered the appearance and function of his penis.
Now 62 years old, Steve opened up to the Daily Mail about how he thought he was the only man in the world with the problem and how having a Tic Tac weener affected several facets of his life.
“Someone should have told me what was wrong with me because my life could have been very different. Presumably they must have seen it. It’s all very sad. They must have just all been too embarrassed to mention it.”
Doctors have not discovered the genesis of the disorder, which also affects one’s sexual sensation and the ability to urinate. The condition has left Baker’s pee hole is on the side of his penis. Yikes.
“There is no question it affected my self-confidence and my entire personality because of the importance that society places on the size of men’s penises.”
In 1976, in a desperate plea for help, Baker went to New Zealand to see a specialist urologist who failed to diagnose his condition as Hypospadias. Instead, the doctor circumcised Baker, only to worsen the problem.
“I was left with no feeling at the tip or much sensation of any kind. If I’d known the issue was hypospadias, I would not have gone near the guy. I have no idea why he decided to circumcise me, and the idea of complaining about the damage wouldn’t have occurred to me. It was all too embarrassing. I just had to live with it.”
The shitty thing is that Baker still has a normal sex drive, but his condition hardly allows him to act on it. He says that this has ruined all his relationships. He was married in 2001 to his best friend’s sister and after having two kids with her, the relationship broke down.
“We weren’t destined to be together forever, but the sex didn’t really help. It was just so difficult, it didn’t really happen.”
Gotta feel for my man Baker. Dropping trou only to reveal a Mike and Ike has to be super emasculating. But if it’s any consolation, it’s the motion of the ocean. Or something.
[h/t Daily Mail]