Do You Think This Dude’s Brutally Honest Tinder Profile Pulls Him Any Booty?



Anyone with a history of swiping knows that integrity has no place on Tinder. You’re best served treating your Tinder profile like your resume: peppered with bold faced lies to improve your image. I’ve claimed to be “Proficient in Microsoft Excel” the same way I claim to be “STD free.” I literally just learned the SUM function last week and for the past month, I feel like my hog has picked up poison sumac. I’ll tell women I won the D.A.R.E. Award in sixth grade, but I’ll neglect to tell them that I spent the winnings on a fat sack of Kush. Point is, if honesty were really the best policy, Ray Lewis would be sitting in a 2×2 cell right now instead of wearing a suit and projecting judgement on others.

This dude Matt decided to take the brutally honest route and I’d be willing to guess his strategy worked about as well as a netted condom.


Some eCards

Bro, if you’re not already in the slammer, take this advice. If you’re going to spend the next decade and a half in the clink, just pay for sex.

[h/t Some eCards]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.