Duke University Study Reveals That Chicks Find Short Bros Repulsive, So Let The #AllHeightsMatter Movement Commence
Well, well, well Lena Dunham. You got me. I admit it. You convinced me that the gender wage gap is unfair and that you girls should be given the same workplace compensation and opportunity as us humans with penises and likely a moderate drinking problem. Seemed like an easy cause to get behind for any rational, non-misogynistic dude.
But Lena, hey Lena–before you get naked again, consider the double standard. You and your band of ladies have completely overlooked the congregations of short people marching down Park Avenue chanting and waiving flags for equal dating rights. But no fault of their own, short, sorry *vertically challenged, bros have been forced to tug their chess pieces at home because every other Tinder profile has the caveat of “Short guys need not apply” or “If you’re shorter than 5’9”, douce yourself in kerosine and light a match.” I would say vertically challenged bros are struggling with a roller coaster of emotions, but they are too short to ride even those. But that’s a cause for another time.
But hey, don’t take it from me, take it from Duke University–who analyzed genetic data of 119,669 women and men of white British ancestry, between the ages of 37 and 73, and came to the below conclusion:
A Duke University study showed for every inch below 5 feet 10 inches tall, a man has to earn $30,000 more to be seen as equally appealing to women in the dating market, which may be a rare man indeed if this current study is true.
Hey a little hard work is good for the soul. Vertically challenged bros just have to put in a few more hours at the office to pocket a little more cash and become as desirable as a 6’2” alpha stud like me, right? Nah.
Looking at the genetic variants that suggest the person would be tall or short, regardless of nutrition or environment, the men with the genes that will likely lead them to be tall, have about $4,175 higher annual household income.
Damn, the system has really made it impossible for short dudes to get laid AND paid. When do we all change our Facebook profile pictures to a short, stubby ribbon in faux support? #AllHeightsMatter.