This Easter Bunny With $30,000 Of Meth Stuffed Up Its Ass Is The Definition Of ‘Hopped Up’

Oklahoma police report that they intercepted a package last week containing a stuffed Easter bunny containing two pounds of meth worth over $30,000. The meth was stored in condoms, and that phrase contains two things I don’t use.

Authorities received a tip from a SNITCH and picked off the package from Tahlequah resident Carolyn Ross. Ross admitted that she was expecting the package and she was to send the meth bunny “to an unknown person at a later date,” according to KFOR.

^Smile! Before all your teeth fall out.

“It’s not the prize egg that we want in Tahlequah,” said Police Chief Nate King.

Ross is being held on $75,000 bail, and no one seems to care that the bunny’s asshole was torn to shreds on his big day.

Cheer up, bro, I got you.

Listen, if you’re going to do drugs on Easter, which is a prerequisite in my family, it’s safest to just have your wacko uncle bring them. Because every family in America has an uncle with nothing to lose. If you don’t, your family could run the risk of having no crystal meth to celebrate the resurrection of the man who suffered for our sins.

And that’s just disrespectful.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.