Eighth Grade Heartbreaker Forces Her Boyfriend To Sign A Nine Clause Contract Saying He Will Avoid Hoes

Young love is a fickle entity. Especially young, middle-school love. Middle-school is a very difficult time of one’s life to navigate. Mostly because you’re just getting interested in the concept of swapping spit. That’s pretty much the only reason. School’s pretty much a breeze and the biggest decision you have to make is whether you want to play wiffle ball or kickball during recess. Literally every other decision is made for you by adults. That’s a lot of brainspace saved for you to be able to put towards making halfway intelligent decisions about your life. Like deciding to not date the girl from arts and crafts that makes you sign a nine clause, typed contract about the relationship you have just began with her. Because that little girl is probably very crazy and will only get substantially more crazy as she gets older. Which, according to Twitter, is exactly who some poor 8th grade boy apparently just started dating.

Kid, if you’re reading this, run. Run fast. Transfer schools any way you can. Shit in the bottom drawer of your teacher’s desk and get expelled. Light your family’s home on fire and force them to move to a different neighborhood. Smash your phone into tiny little pieces and eat them so you have to spend weeks in the hospital. Get away from this girl. Who cares if you hurt yourself, you just signed a contract saying that if she feels like you hurt her, she can beat you up. You’re too young to be limiting yourself to fist bumps with these hoes. This is a girl who’s going to eat you up and spit you out just long enough for you to put a ring on it before you’re ready. I want to know what the legal binding of this is. Was a lawyer present? Was this kid harassed into signing this contract? Where do these kids go to school and who are “these hoes”? And mostly, where are the parents? Unless the boy’s parents are rich as fuck and the girl’s parents are orchestrating this all behind the scenes, I feel like someone needs to step in here. For the sake of the boy and his hoes.

[h/t Death and Taxes]