European Eels Have A Serious Cocaine Problem…After Scientists Got The Eels Hooked On Blow

I always expected that if there was going to be a species aside from human beings to hit rock bottom from a coke binge that it would be chimpanzees. After the news yesterday that chimps like to hit grand pappy’s ol’ cough medicine, it seems even more plausible that the next likely step for chimps’ partying would be to hit the coca plant. Alas, chimps were not the first to hit rock bottom from blow. That honor goes to the ‘common eel’ of Italy. You read that right, Italian eels are all jacked up on blow and losing their mucus. And as each and every one of you knows: eels need their mucus to survive, so they need to kick this nasty coke habit before it’s too late.

In the video above from The Verge they go into detail on what brought about this experiment, and what exactly scientists learned in the process. The genesis of the research came from the staggering amount of trash accumulating in our oceans, and the chemical runoff from that trash. Scientists then figured ‘why not give eels a few gator tails of Colombian pure and see where this takes us?’ So they did, and the results were not pretty. But why did they choose cocaine? Because a study back in 2014 found that 15 grams of cocaine flow through Italy’s Sarno River every day, so they posited that the eels are already being exposed to plenty of blow.

So, bros, next time you’re thinking about dumping cocaine (or money you used to snort cocaine) into a body of water inhabited by eels I want you to stop and ask yourself whether this is something the eels would enjoy, and if what you’re doing is good for the environment. Because instead of dumping that in the river you could always donate that blow to your friendly neighborhood blogger.

Shout out to The Verge for putting that video together!

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