Pissy Husband Made An Excel Spreadsheet With All The Dates And Excuses Of Why His Wife Turned Him Down For Sex

Reddit user throwwwwaway29 has either the pissiest husband or is the most prude wife on the planet. She explains,

” Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. He’s never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it’s a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won’t miss me for the 10 days I’m gone. Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my “excuses”, using verbatim quotes of why I didn’t feel like having sex at that very moment. According to his ‘document’, we’ve only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 “attempts” on his part.

To be fair some of these are legit. “I’m drunk and I ate too much” roughly translates to “I will puke all over you if I so much as feel any sort of vibration,” while… okay yeah the rest of these are horseshit. There are 5 instances of “I feel gross and need to shower.” Okay lady, go shower, problem solved. As for “I’m watching a show,” I’m unaware of a television show that runs for 24 hours straight, and besides, who doesn’t have a DVR? Even my shitty apartment in Brooklyn has a DVR, albeit a weird off-brand with the ugliest interface I’ve ever seen. Poor dude only gets laid three times in the span of 27 days. Here’s the spreadsheet of the worst excuses to not have sex I’ve ever seen:

I smell divorce.

[H/T The Concourse]