So maybe eating a cheeseburger isn’t the reaction you’re supposed to have when you look at this map made by the Trust for America’s Health and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, but hey. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em, right? Which in this case means go out and eat crap food until you’re fat. That’s pretty easy, right? Just sit around and eat and POOF! You’re part of the majority.
According to the map, there isn’t a single state where the obesity rate is below 20%. To put that into perspective, if you have five friends at least one of them is so fat that:
1. It’s in good taste for them to buy two seats on a plane rather than one, although we all know they won’t and so some unlucky victim will spend an entire flight with a giant glob of thigh fat leaking into their seat
2. There’s a 50/50 chance taking a single jump on your average trampoline will break it
3. When they get into an elevator, the other people already inside immediately look at what the maximum capacity is, back to your fat friend, and then start texting friends and family “There’s a chance I’m going to die in an elevator crash today”
Yeah…it’s gotten that bad.
Congratulations to Mississippi and West Virginia on being the fattest fucks in the entire country, but don’t get too cocky. It looks like the entire goddamn south is hot on your tail in an attempt to either match or surpass you, so make sure you do your state proud and go through a McDick’s drive through on the way home and order a large everything off the menu.