First Living ‘Giant Shipworm’ Found In Philippines And Is Proof That The Devil Exists

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Scientists have found what some are calling “the unicorn” of the shipworm world, as they have discovered the first known living sample of an ancient mollusk known previously only by the shells it left behind. The shells were similar in size and shape to a baseball bat and would grow to enormous heights, according to Popular Science.

The giant shipworm, of the ‘Kuphus polythalamia’ species, was found in a stinky lagoon of a long-abandoned log farm in the Philippines after a documentary was released featuring natives cooking and eating it.

According to Popular Science,

“For hundreds of years, humans have known giant shipworms only by the magnificent shells they leave behind: often similar in size and shape to a baseball bat, they can grow to stunning heights. “I’m 5-foot-3 and I’ve seen shells taller than me,” Haygood says. “It’s really dramatic; dramatic is what it is.”

I call bullshit on this being the first one found. I’ve seen one of these in my toilet after eating a Chipotle burrito bowl.

No. Please no more.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.