#FLORIDA: Man Shot Sister In The Buttocks For Baking Him A Penis Cake

(This phallic cake is not said cake that started all the fuss.)

We take you to Florida, because how could this story not be Florida. It was Christopher Taft’s birthday and his family celebrated the festive occasion with a bit of shenanigans, a cake in the shape of a penis. Despite his sister working very hard on that cock cake for Christopher’s bday, he went bananas over it. Not in a fun way with a goodhearted chuckle and some wacky photos with the baked goods, he shot his sister. With a BB gun. In her ass.

I think we got a critic over here.

On Sunday, the 21-year-old Taft was arrested and charged with aggravated battery and battery. You may not want to have Mr. Taft in a 5 mile radius of any bachelorette party festivities ever.

I can’t remember the last time that someone put in the effort to bake a special cake. But I do know that if someone even made me a mini cupcake I would have the common decency and gratitude to not shoot them in the ass, or anywhere on their body for that matter.

The BB was embedded in his sister’s bumbum and she said she was taking herself to the hospital (Better do the gangsta lean to one side as to not irritate the wound).

Taft said it would be funny to shoot his sister with a BB gun as a joke and did not intend to hurt her, according to the police report. Remember that hilarious bit by Louis C.K. where he brings a woman on stage and shoots her in the ass? No? Me either.

Despite his malicious actions, the sister did give Christopher a birthday present; she didn’t pursue criminal charges.