A teen in West Palm Beach, Florida spent an entire month channeling his inner Doogie Howser, posing as an OB/GYN at the St. Mary’s hospital.
Yes, I said an ENTIRE MONTH. That’s over four weeks of a teenager walking around dressed up as a doctor, pretending to be a specialist in women’s reproductive organs…which isn’t too far off from the claims of myself as a teen, but you didn’t see me masquerading as a doctor.
It’s easy to understand the teenage allure of being an OB/GYN, because in the mind of a teen it’s just handling nappy dugouts all day. The naive youth has yet to understand the primary function of an OB/GYN is dealing with rotten Virginias, and clipping the skin between vaginas and butt holes during births because the baby is too large to make it out (yes, that happens all day, every day…one hole).
There are conflicting reports on whether or not the kid had contact with patients, and to what extent that contact was. For instance, FOX 13 is reporting the hospital released a statement that the impostor had no contact at all with patients:
“The individual never had contact with any hospital patients and did not gain access to any patient care areas of the hospital at any time. The hospital immediately notified local authorities, who took the individual into custody, and we are cooperating with their ongoing investigation.”
But on the flip side of the spectrum, Miami’s Sun Sentinel is reporting:
Staff at the medical center’s OB/GYN office was alerted by a patient that a young male who “appeared to be a child” was dressed as a doctor and was inside an exam room. The patient said he had a lab coat with the St. Mary’s logo and “anesthesiology” stitched on the front, according to the incident report.
The juvenile’s age is redacted from the incident report. Police and hospital staff agreed to not charge him with a crime.
One of the OB/GYN’s said he had never seen the boy at the hospital before. Later he told police he discovered a note from the boy on his desk, asking the doctor whether he could “shadow” him, according to the report.
The boy’s mother told police he is under the care of a doctor for an undisclosed illness but refuses to take medicine, according to the report.
So he did in fact have contact with patients?
The last little bit about an ‘undisclosed illness’ is rather intriguing, because presumably it is a mental illness, and growing up in Florida I’m well acquainted with just how shitty the state and law enforcement treats people stricken with mental illness. With a year-round livable climate for someone forced to live outdoors (homeless), Florida’s a HUGE destination for our nation’s homeless, often comprised of mentally ill people left to fend for themselves on the streets.
In college I found a stark raving mad man in my house, rolling around on the floor, screaming about how the cops were looking for him…I obviously called the cops, they said there’s nothing they can do, because I lived so close to a popular homeless dive house, and they didn’t want to upset the resident population. This is just a slice of the things you experience in Florida.
But to read that somehow this kid spent and ENTIRE MONTH in a hospital pretending to be an OB/GYN doctor and not a single charge was filed, well, that’s truly unbelievable. But good on him for getting away with it as long as he did.
(Allegedly) When asked what it was like to spend a month in a hospital chasing after poon tang, this was the kid’s only response: